Pen And Paper

Depression part 3

Date: 10 Oct 2011
Hi Mr. Diary

Like you see I'm writing this diary that's mean that I'm alive huh alive because I had no guts to take away my life.

It's hard in reality to kill yourself. I dont know how I express what I've feeling that time.
So much emotion and thoughts at same time, so much stress and so much quitting spirit and lots of negative energy.

That time my hands are shaking so much its getting hard to cut my wrist from blade, every second is like hour and sweat keeps flowing from my head. My heart beat sound seems echoes in bathroom the only things my brain saying to me just cut it and be free from this and take your freedom from this world.

But my heart saying something else like think about people who loves you and think about your parents what happens to them if you die.
But on other hand evil thing saying in my mind if they loves you,so they can feel your pain but they didn't..!
Did they feel your pain? Huh no they don't..

In reality I can't express in word the whole scene but its like they going on in front of me.
And other thing is that I'm coward and had no guts to cut my wrist from that blade that my evil thoughts keep reminding me.
But I dont know what thing keep me stop to cut my wrist may be the thought of my parents or may be I'm a coward. I think its both situation.

But thing is I'm alive..
Happy that I don't know
So till than bye.
Gn.
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Date: 24 Oct 2011
Mr.diary

So, today I got to know reason of being this way from a year now,so not to make confusing I may came to on point.

So today at my school a counseling session happend and the counsler told about us the reason to conduct this session.
So our school decide to appoint a counsler for a students. The main aim for this consular teacher to help the students who want to share something to her about anything or problems they are facing and the conversation between student and counsler is totally being private.

Which is so cool I mean right there are many things which students sometimes not share with there parents and with friends too so they can share with counsler.

I like this idea and very glad our school think about it, and I'm also thinking about to taking this counseling session.

Hope everything go well...
Gn mr.diary
Bye.
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Date: 1 November 2011
Hi mr.diary

Sorry not updating you because of exams but now its over so now I will update you regular.

Not making any promise but I make sure that I update you regular.
So yeah like I told you about that counseling thing which my school conduct is started and that counsler teacher always told us that we can share anything to her and things will be kept private between her and that person.

I saw some students in front of her room whom waiting for there turn to came, and they told us too that she is a awesome counseler.
So I also thought that I will told her about my problem too and I prepared too myself for that but when yesterday I went school, students talking about those students who take that counseling session.

At my class 2 students took that counseling session and our class bitch queen Riya telling everyone that they both students are mentally I'll that's why they took that counselling.