I Hate This School

It's About Time

I didn't want to go back to school on Monday. I couldn't help but feel that Jay disappearing was my fault - I had just left him there on his own. God, what have I done? I had no idea where he could've gone but Will's words buzzed around in my head for the whole weekend. I didn't want to admit it but I didn't like the idea of Jay with someone else.

As I'm standing in the mirror adjusting my tie and putting my hair up, I look at my uniform up and down. Why did mum make me go to this school? I hate it already and I've only been there a few weeks. I couldn't believe that it felt so long but it really wasn't.

Maybe I could persuade mum to let me go somewhere else. Sure, it'd mean moving again, but I really need anything to get out of this awful place. When I joined I thought everything would crumble down and I'm starting to think I was right all along. I mean, exams are coming up and I haven't been revising at all. I'm going to fail and I know it.

"Come on Ella," mum yells from downstairs, making me jump. I grab my blazer, phone and headphones and head out of my room. When I get to mum she hands me my bag. I walk to the car without saying a word. It feels just like my first day all over again - that feeling of nerves and dread. What if Jay's not at school? What will I do then?

As mum gets in the drivers seat, she sighs at me.

"What's wrong now?" she asks, as if she really can't be arsed with me. 

"Nothing," I mumble, looking out of the window as she starts to drive. She doesn't reply and that's how you get your mum to leave you alone. At least now I know she really can't be bothered with me at the moment.

I put my headphones in and put on Example, but even with the music playing I feel sick and I can't help but think about the worst. I still feel like I shouldn't care as much as I do, I've only known Jay for a few weeks and he's kind of still like a stranger to me. But I realised that I was developing feelings for him and by now it's too late to even think about denying it. I'm pretty sure Neil knows but not properly. He still teases me every day about it, and me and Jay would exchange looks and shake our heads. Little did he know I wanted this to happen now.

I walk into school, trying to stay calm, but this is all too real, even for me. I didn't want to face Jay and have to hear what he had been getting up to the night I was worried sick and he was off having a blast. But what if something bad had happened?

I checked my locker, looking around to make sure my books where still there and suddenly the door was slammed into my head really hard. I stumbled a bit, groaning, feeling the tears stinging in my eyes.

I heard a group of boys laughing and calling me grotesque names, sauntering down the corridor like they owned the place.

"Pricks," I mumbled as I slammed the door shut vigorously. I turned and made my way to the common room, feeling scared. I can't believe they did that to a girl. It fucking hurt, and my forehead felt like it was bruising already. Mum would go crazy.

As I peered slowly into the common room I saw Will, Neil and Simon sitting in a circle around something. I slowly stepped forward, clutching my bag with fear. As I got closer I saw Jay in the middle of them, smiling greatly.

"And she was goin', 'ohh, Jay!'" he exclaimed, using the most foul gestures. They all laughed and Neil congratulated him without hesitation. They hadn't seen me yet but I was already catching on to Jay's little story.

"I know who's not going to appreciate that," said Will out of disgust, "And that's-" Will turned around quickly and our eyes met. Soon all of us where having a staring match, our eyes cold at eachother.

"Hi," I squeaked out. Jay looked away and swallowed.

"Alright?" Neil said, in his usual dull voice. I sighed at Will who was looking sympathetic towards me. Simon just looked away at Jay, who was now edging away from us.

I wanted to cut things short with him so I bravely went over to him and sat behind him, turning so I could face him. He faced me too, and the other guys chatted, clearly giving us some space.

"Hi," he said quietly. I didn't know what to say so I just mirrored his action.

"Hi," I replied. He looked rough: with kind of messy hair, pale skin and bags under his eyes. The strong smell of weird after shave radiated off of him, making me squirm. He wasn't himself, and by the things I'd heard he certainly had a reason.

"So, where did you go off to?" I asked quickly, wanting to break the ice. It did break, but only a fraction.

"Just out," he replied shyly. It was as if Jay had turned into a completely different guy within just 5 minutes. At first he was laughing and smiling, but as I spoke to him he'd turned into a pale, quiet and kind of scary person. There was something he didn't want to tell me but I kind of guessed what it was. So he'd slept with someone. Big deal? Why was he hiding it from me?

"Who did you sleep with then?" I blurted out. Part of me wanted to cover my mouth and apologise but I deserved answers after the amount of worrying I'd done over someone I didn't even know that well. He just shook his head at me and the bell went, startling us both. I sighed, standing up in synch with him.

"You wanna talk after school?" he asked out of the blue. I didn't need to give it thought.

"Yeah, okay," I said, "by the gate?" He nodded.

"C'mon, Jay," Neil said impatiently. "Got history with pedo Kennedy! Yeah boy!" Jay nodded and turned to me again, and, to my surprise he wrapped his arms around my waist gently, luckily not having to bend down that much. He held onto me tightly, as my hands automatically came up to his back.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled into my neck. As we pulled apart he smiled and walked away quickly.

Now I just had to wait for the talk.