August 17th
Yesterday was the day Andy told me of his tour across the U.S. and Europe. I can't go with him; I can't, and it pains me inside. I wish to travel the whole damn world with him, but that cannot be so from my standing point.
I want to curse out all the gods in existence for this matter. Why? Why me? I just received the blessing of a job, and this hits me square in the face! I either abandon my post and run to Boston where I will miss my lover, or run with my lover whereas I will miss Boston. Damn everything to hell and back!
In other news, Karliah and Oliver have been doing great together; Russy and her boyfriend are beginning to have fights over the trip; June and her mystery crush remain in a stable friendship. June is afraid to take their relationship "to the next level", and I just wish she'd stop talking about it. I'm happy for her and all, but sometimes I need a break.
Regardless, Andy took me on a trip today around town, and we walked around a little bit on Venice Beach as the sun went down.
Karliah is calling me for dinner. Goodnight, I guess.
August 17--Later
I just returned from dinner. I am afraid it did not go well. Karliah must hate me, and if she does, then June must despise me. Poor Russy was stuck in the middle as always.
We argued about trivial topics, and some that actually mattered. For example, we talked for twenty minutes on the trip, which resulted in a blowout.
Russy has agreed to the concert, much to my elated joy.
And here comes June, ready for bed. Forgive me for leaving so early on the night of August 17th, but June's morals and nature cannot be stopped.
August 18th
A philosophical thought for the mind: time--does it exist? You shall say, "Of course, Alex! Why else on earth can we sense change? There would be no space without time, and no time without space!" but have you ever thought deeply about it? Sometimes, I admit, I think so hard and deeply that I lose track of where I am, and I feel as though I am not real, or my body is the only thing in true existence and everything around me is just an illusion. Perhaps I should leave the philosophical thinking to Jude.
Speaking of the intuition-driven beauty, I have work today. Most days I am happy to get up and head to work, but lately I feel like it has been keeping me from spending more time with Andy. Regardless, I have to head to the bathroom and cake on my makeup and such for the occasion.
August 18th--Later
Jude. She's been getting sicker, and the pain in my chest demands to be felt. I can't mask it up with reading, writing, drawing, or spending time with my friends. She's getting worse, and I feel like the universe is getting ready to mourn her loss; everything seems so gray and morose around her, like she is a part of the universe, interwoven in its heavenly fabric of spirits and souls--space and time. If Jude passes on, I am sure everyone in the entire universe will feel a piece of them disappear and dissipate.
I wonder why I hold this woman above all others. Possibly it is because she holds a rather weird personality trait I cannot explain: the ability to take chances and not be worried about the outcome...just because she "believes" in herself. My God, that concept is foreign to me. Could she and Andy be one and the same--personality wise? I see how it could be true. Do you, dear listener? Do you see their likeliness?
August 19th
The date of the reckoning seems to be inching closer at a rate beyond my comprehension: the speed of light. I don't want to leave Andy; I don't want to leave Andy. I don't want Jude to leave me; I don't want Jude to leave me. My friends all hate me; my friends all hate me. These are the only things on my mind at any given time.
Work was a drag. Drag. Drag. Cigarette. No--absolutely not, Alex. You and Andy just quit. Why are you having sudden urges for nicotine? Don't you know what that stuff does to you?
August 20th
Yesterday I found an old pack of cigarettes underneath my bed. I held them like they were my best friend and I was afraid they were going to leave me.
I thought of June. June--the embodiment of the color olive. Her green, square-framed glasses; her tacky taste in fashion; her short temper: all of these combine to make her. She was my best friend, but I am not sure if I can call her that anymore. I remember how we became friends: we bonded over sarcasm, the anger we had at the world, and the comparison of our two pale skin tones. June Elizabeth Collingwood is her full name, and may I never forget it.
The color of Karliah would obviously be a gradient mix of the color plum and fuchsia. Her full name is Karliah Carmen Crandel, and I admit that it's a beautiful name. Her ever-changing hair color, temper shorter than June's, and idealistic outbursts are what make her...her. Will I miss her? Absolutely. She was my first friend: the one who's supported me for years. I could never repay her in any way, shape, or form; she is unpayable, and I am in her debt.
Russy, like me, does not possess a middle name inked on her birth certificate. Russy Alder: strong, firm, bipolar, and helpful. A true ENFP if I ever saw one. The color of Russy: red, standing for dominance, romance, aggression, passion, and vengeance. Will I miss the blooming rose? More than I will miss the other two girls combined. She was my little pixie girl; she was my rock.
August 21th
It's the second-to-last day of us together. I can't help but feel insecure about everything. The thought of him gone makes me want to grab those cigarettes and burn out both of my lungs; my throat and my hands will be numb, and smoke would fill the silent room.
Wait. Inspiration. I've...got it. A new play idea! Eureka! I better get on it! Surely this will be the one I publish!
____________________________________________________
YOU ARE READING
cursing out the moon ➵ a.b.
FanfictionIf something was ever handed down to you, directly from death himself, would you take it? Would you risk everything just to give that little pupae of a dream a chance to fly? Wouldn't you whisper secrets into its skin, praying and hoping that it wil...
