Lime and Soda ✓

six - turbulence

I wander around on my own for a few minutes before I find Astrid. She's with Celia and Eleanor in a gaggle of older girls I don't know, all laughing and talking and drinking (already). They all seem to be wearing  the same dress, short and strappy, but in different colours. Not for the first time I seem to be behind the times.

I'm shy to approach the group; these girls are all loud and bubbly and definitely older than me, and I am small and insignificant, a speck of dust. As I passed through the crowd of people, searching for Astrid, most people's eyes just slide straight past me. I am not someone who is noticed.

I'm saved from this dilemma by Astrid, who spots me and waves. 'There you are!' she calls, reaching out and beckoning to me. I am drawn into the circle by the unknown force she radiates. 'This is Izzy, and Becca, and Sadie, and...' I zone out after the first three. The girls all smile at me distantly, and then resume their conversation.

Astrid whispers, 'Want to get some food? I'm fucking starving.'

I nod gratefully, and we push our way through the crowd of bodies to the barbecue. Thankfully Jay and Sophia have disappeared; I wouldn't know what to say to them if they were still there. Probably they're cosily closeted up in a bathroom somewhere. The thought makes my ears turn red.

A guy I don't know is cooking the food now. He passes us a burger each and we take them on paper plates to the table to load them up with salad and cheese. I go for a veggie burger without a bun, salad, and no cheese. I'm determined to get through these ten days if it kills me. What wouldn't I give to be able to walk into a circle of girls like that and have them instantly accept me?

Astrid gets another beer, I get apple juice. I'm surprised there is any, it's not a common mixer. Probably Eleanor's parents got it as a token of goodwill and didn't realise their daughter would be stocking up on spirits as soon as they were out of the door.

'Where shall we sit?' I ask Astrid.

'I can see some chairs over there,' she points to where Ross and Sebastian are sitting with a group of other guys on the grass. 'Shall we go sit with them?'

I shrug. 'Sure.' I follow her over. The boys are all discussing some big football match that happened over the weekend, and Ross barely acknowledges Astrid as she sits down next to him. Her smile turns sour and she takes a gulp of her drink. I wonder how the night will end. 

I take a huge bite of my burger. Astrid heaves an exaggerated sigh and takes a bite of hers. I take a sip of my juice. Astrid huffs and puffs and downs the rest of her beer.

'Everything ok?' I ask her eventually. I think her lungs will burst any second.

'Yeah, I'm fine,' she says loudly. 'Would be nice if people stopped pretending I didn't exist, that's all.'

She stands up, tosses her beer can to the floor and stalks off. Ross breaks off his conversation and as she goes. 'Did she say something to me?'

'I don't think so,' I say quietly. I gather up my plate and Astrid's, and fetch her crumpled can from the ground, but before I can follow her a hand touches my wrist. I jump and almost drop the plates.

'Violet?'

It's Jay. The contact sends a wave of something up my arm, static, heat, even before I realise who it is. His blond hair is tousled today, a pale lock of it has fallen across one eye. I feel a sudden urge to reach over and tuck it behind his ear, but I resist - it's probably so messy because he's been making out with Sophia in a wardrobe.

'Hi,' I say eventually.

'Enjoying the party?' he asks.

'Yeah. Yeah, it's good.' I curse myself. Why am I so awkward? 'How about you?'