in the hills • zayn malik

twenty two- iris

twenty two- iris

song for this chapter: "with or without you" by U2

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Time had passed both unnervingly quickly and horribly slowly, but Iris didn't give herself anytime to think, only focusing on her work, on tending to the house, just as she had been doing when her father had left.

The chill of autumn was slowly threading it's way into the warm days, reminding Iris of struggles of the winter to come. She ran a hand through her hair, a nervous habit that she had picked up from Zayn.

"No, no, don't think of him." She whispered to herself, standing up from the porch, having spent an hour waiting. It was the first time that she had allowed herself to think about Zayn since the day that he had left.

Chest tightening, Iris went back inside, knowing that she had to clean the house, which had been neglected repeatedly due to her lack of motivation. Her shoulders slumped when she saw the mess she had made in the kitchen, and slowly proceeded to start cleaning.

It had been particularly hard when she realised that Zayn wasn't coming back, and that he wouldn't come back for a long time. Iris' hands started to shake as she remembered how the worry started to gnaw at her stomach when he didn't come back that day.

She went looking for him, but when she got to the car he wasn't there. The sky was beginning to grow dark, and she hurried home, her heart thumping painfully in her chest.

Iris had prayed that he somehow had come home whilst she was out searching for him, but looking around the house, hope rising every time she opened a door, he wasn't there.

She jumped as the wooden plate fell to the floor with a loud thump. Her hands were shaking as she knelt down, strands of dark blonde hair falling in front of her face. Iris closed her eyes and imagined for a moment that Zayn would walk in and help her up, wrapping his arms around her.

One month, and Iris could not stop the longing that filled her chest, or the ache of missing him, of missing Zayn. She wandered around the house aimlessly, forgetting her duties, only wanting to hear the sound of that front door opening.

After a week it had been evident that she had done no work, and Iris tried to return back to her strenuous routine which she had set for herself and had been content on living by for so many years. But she found that she slept in, or was careless with how she handled things. Once, she dropped a basket of apples when she had come across the tree where Zayn had told her about his bandmates.

Books weren't even a solace for her anymore, and Iris spent more and more time in Zayn's room- the guest room, more accurately- just looking around, hoping for some small piece of him that she would be able to hold on to.

But Zayn had left nothing behind, and more than once Iris had questioned if he had ever been there in the first place. Iris sat down on the bed, laying her hands on the unmade bed and curling her hands into the sheets. Her chest was still tight, and she wished that it would go away.

Iris couldn't figure out why the contracting of her chest wouldn't stop, and how she was supposed go continue on with her life when she felt like this all the time. She breathed deeply, hoping to dispel the feeling, but it stayed and Iris knew that no amount of deep breaths could take away the aching in her heart.

She had become connected to Zayn in a way that she had never knew was possible. She cared for him, and she knew that he had cared for her as well. Her cheeks warmed a little when she remembered when they lay in the orchard, and she shut her eyes right, trying to hold onto the memory.

Iris had only read about love in the books that her father provided, and had envied all the characters that were lucky enough to be in love. She had read about all the types of love that was to be had, but she knew that she'd never feel it herself.

The patter of rain interpreted her thoughts and she stood up quickly, walking out of the room before her mind wandered too far. She decided to go sit back out the front, wanting to watch the rain form into puddles on the bright grass.

Despite how much Iris didn't want to think of Zayn, she couldn't help but think of his sharp, beautiful features and that gorgeous smile that seemed to hold all the happiness in the world, even though Iris knew of some of the pain that he had been through.

She wondered what he was doing at the moment, whether he was singing his heart out with his friends to his millions of fans. All she hoped was that he was happy at the moment, even though she wasn't.

Iris sighed. The cause of her unhappiness, of her inability to do anything without thinking of him was Zayn. Zayn, who made her smile, Zayn, who reminded her on the importance of laughter, Zayn, who had shaken her out of the wearisome life that she led.

"Zayn." Iris whispered, a small smile lighting her face.

A wind gust momentarily pushed the rain toward her, and a few droplets of cool water hit her bare legs, which only made her smile widen. Thinking of Zayn like he was here with her made Iris indescribably content, and she wished that he would step out of the trees and be with her.

Be with her.

So many meanings, so many connotations that Iris could think of, but there was only one that truly defined what she was feeling, one meaning behind those three words that had begun to plague her upon seeing Zayn for the very first time.

Iris had fallen in love with Zayn, too quickly, too blindly, but she didn't regret it, in spite of all the pain that it had caused, and caused her still at that moment.

Her hand flew to her chest, to where her heart was fluttering. All the books that she had read had taught Iris what love felt like, and she had admittedly underestimated the true power that love could have over a person.

"Why did you leave me, Zayn?" Iris sighed sadly.

But Iris knew why, and scowled at how selfish she was being. Zayn had family and friends back at home, and she wasn't important enough for Zayn to stay.

A shaky breath escaped her lips as her eyesight began to blur. Iris slowly lifted her fingers up to her eyes, and after wiping them, she realised that she was crying.

She was crying for the first time since she understood that her father was never coming back. With a heavy heart Iris realised that Zayn too was never coming back, no matter if he wanted to or not, though she doubted that he'd want to come back.

That's not true! Her mind protested angrily, trying to fight off the shroud of despair and hopelessness that was beginning to fall. He kissed you, don't you remember? He called you beautiful, he loved you, he loves you-

Iris ran her fingers over her lips, unable to forget how it felt for that small yet infinite moment when Zayn had kissed her. Her body shuddered at the memory and Iris ached for him so badly that the tears continued to fall, building in her green eyes before falling down the plane of her tan cheeks.

"I love you Zayn, I love you." Iris cried into the wall of rain, the words echoing horribly in her mind and heart.

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the long awaited Iris POV chapter has arrived! I know it's a little shorter than usual, but I didn't want to blab on.

dedication goes to @uramazayn45 for her wonderful comments throughout this story, they have been so so lovely to read

lots of big things to come... prepare yourselves o_O

Sara xx