in the hills • zayn malik

twenty- ache

twenty- ache

song for this chapter: “cold” by Winterbourne

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Crying. Again.

Zayn had never been much of a crier, but there had been that awful dream, where Iris had tried to come visit him but she was stranded on the hill, calling his name, waiting for him, but he couldn’t get to her, there were all these bodyguards-

He hastily tried to dry his cheeks, wondering if Liam could hear him in the next room. Liam had been acting odd lately, reminding Zayn of that dark time, a year ago.

But the tears wouldn’t stop, and neither did the pain. The worst thing about the whole situation was not knowing how she was, or if something bad had happened to her-

A loud sob escaped his mouth at the thought and he quickly covered his mouth, hoping that Liam couldn’t hear. He got up and started pacing, trying to calm down the violent sobs that were making his body shake.

It was the feeling of hopelessness that was getting to Zayn the most. The fact that he couldn’t physically do anything hit him hard. With Iris, he was free to do anything he wanted, free to say whatever he wanted.

The rest of the boys had come over yesterday, a couple of days after Zayn had reconciled with Perrie. They all looked a lot brighter, and didn’t look as tired as when Zayn had first saw them, which made him feel a little better.

Niall had told Zayn that management were thinking of scheduling a meeting next week, so they could discuss what to do next. The mood went sour at the mention of management, and Zayn had to refrain from getting up and punching a wall.

Liam had been quiet whilst the boys were over, heading to his room straight after the boys finished, claiming that he wasn’t feeling too well and wanted to sleep. Zayn had knocked on his door, asking if he was ok, but Liam had replied quietly that he just wanted to rest.

The thought of Liam hurting himself made him begin to hyperventilate, and an irrational fear stole over him, making him stumble out of his room and into Liam’s, almost expecting to see his friend lying there, eyes open, blood-

Liam lay there, sleeping peacefully, face scrunched up. Zayn leant against the door frame, covering his mouth so as to silence the horrible sounds that were emitting from it. He closed the door and went back into his room, tears streaming down his cheeks and over his hands.

He needed to get away, but Zayn couldn’t think of anywhere that would make him feel any better, other than Iris’ place, of course. He closed his eyes and slowly lowered his hands from his mouth, his body trembling.

Zayn didn’t know how long he stood there, eyes clenched shut, crying silently, swaying slightly as if he were about to fall to the floor. Finally, he opened his eyes again, the tears having finally come to a stop.

For the moment, at least.

Zayn looked around his room, biting his lip, sniffling slightly. He then looked down at himself, seeing how dishevelled he looked. Taking in a deep breath, he started to move.

He cleaned up his room, tearing the sheets off his bed and putting on clean ones; he threw the dirty clothes in the laundry basket and folded the clean ones, and opened the curtains, letting sunlight into the room.

Zayn looked out the window, feeling the sun beating down on his face. He frowned when he saw a news crew setting up outside the front of his apartment, and quickly moved away from the window, feeling the pain washing over him again.