Rants

I just dont even know

I'm a fucked up person really. I mean like...... who am I? I mean there are points in my life where I act like I'm a fucking queen and the whole world should kneel at all my glory. Then there are those times where I just feel so fucking useless (and they're often) and I just want to sit in a dark corner by mysef and die. Then there are those times where I can be the funniest person you've every meet. Cracking jokes every second and making everybody laugh. Also there are times when I can be the bitchiest person in the world and using everything you've every told me against you.

Then there's also my clingy side, my annoying side, my sick side, my internet side, my family side, the side I have with my friends, my school side, the side I have with adults, and the one I hate the most is that little love sick puppy side.  

I hate it because even if I dont like the person I still picture me and whoever it is together. Boy or girl. I dont even get why that happens. It just confuses me so much because I know I dont like them but I still picture it and i dont even know why.  Certain things they do or say give me butterflies somtimes and I dont even get why because its not just with one person. It's with everybody I know. Nobody has any idea I actually think like this.

What's worse it that I dont even know who I am. I dont know what I actually act like. I'm just so lost right now. It's gotten to the point where I stay up all night just thinking about this topic and when I do go to sleep I wake up with a nightmare because of this topic.

I'm just so lost and scared. I mean I'm trying to move on from this and just keep living my life, but I'm always thinking about it. I just cant anymore.