Mending Ryan Falls ✓

27 | in which she fights back

If love no longer loves,
It is better to let it go.

.\.|./.

Crystal Monroe

| in which she fights back |

I have never felt more torn in my life.

Not when I left my parents for Jem, not when I ditched my friends for him, not even when I walked away from a college admission. It didn't bother me when I slowly changed everything about myself, from my hair to my wardrobe, from my style to my likes and dislikes.

But walking away from Ryan ... this is the hardest thing I've ever done.

It tears me apart to do it, as if I'm leaving a part of my soul behind. Somehow Ryan has grown attached to me. However, Jem is like a tumor, cancerous and deadly, always coming back no matter how many times he's removed.

The minute I saw him glance at Ryan's crutches before lowering his gaze to his legs, I knew Jem had made the connection. The smile on his face was enough to tell me what was running through his mind. Jeremy is only this sweet when he knows he can win. If he isn't sure of victory, he doesn't even compete.

He was ready to challenge Ryan because he could see he could win.

The minute we enter our house, I slip my hand out of his. He doesn't resist, closing the door behind us before turning to me in the living room, flicking on the lights.

"What were you doing at his house in the middle of the night?" he demands as soon as we're alone, dropping all pretense.

Typical Jem.

"There were people here," I say truthfully. "We ... I was getting work done."

Jeremy doesn't buy it, clearly noticing my use of 'we' before I changed my phrase. Somehow, Jeremy's gaze always brings the truth out of my mouth. His ice scares me, for no amount of begging can melt him when he's mad.

"I left you in this house, Cris, and this is where I expect to find you when I come back," he says, hands curling into fists.

This is always what happens. He can be gone for as long as he wants, but he always expects me to be his loyal Cris when he gets back. I feel the bitter truth on my tongue but hold it back, knowing it would really lead nowhere. I need Jeremy to stay calm if I want to have a proper discussion with him.

"Where have you been, Jem?" I ask. "Do you know how long it's been?"

"Long enough for you to find a fuck-buddy obviously," is his answer.

Bile rises up my throat but I swallow it down, my breathing coming shallow.

"How long has this been going on?" he asks.

"There's nothing going on," I lie, hoping he would buy it. Telling Jeremy about kissing Ryan isn't something that will help my case.

"You're so gullible, Cris," he says, his voice growing softer by the minute. "He was only smooth talking you for the sex, you know that."

He takes a step towards me and I take a step back, putting distance between us.

"Why else would he want to be with you?" Jem goes on, coming closer as he speaks. "What could he possibly see in you? The only good thing about you is your body, you know that's what everyone at school thought."

I swallow, lowering my gaze and unable to meet his. His words are smooth and stinging, sneaking into my skin and leaving bruises everywhere they pass.

"The only reason you were on the cheer squad," he says. "The only reason people talked to you or let you hang out with them. You know the things they said about you behind your back, I told you everything, Cris. It hurts me, babe."