Life Of Reality

Realizing It All

I have three papers that I recently found. They're very depressing poems, and entries that I made back when I was 15. I never realized how dark and depressing I was back in that age. How badly I was hurting myself with negative thoughts.

Upon reading them, I realized.

'Hey! Look at this. You've come so far. You were ready to end it all. You were ready to give up on your dream of leaving school.

Look at you now.

You've survived. You're the person who survived an attempt.'

I now realize how selfish it was to want to leave so soon in life.

Oh how young and selfish I was.

Not thinking on the consequences. At least, not thinking about the 'Imagine this.' But for now. I have a small story to tell. And this is something I wanted to let go of.

I am not used to this. Please don't say anything negative. I am already doing much better than how I was a year or few years back.

But I am slowly getting by.

»»————-　☠　-————««

It happened the day after. It happened while I was being treated.

"Your dad... He's..."

When I heard about it. I was too scared to move. To scared to even feel the tears that had escaped ever so freely.

Why couldn't I think about it? Why didn't I realize how selfish I was?

I pushed more weights into him. Driving him to his end. Giving him many ideas of why I did this.

I've learned that doing things to yourself not only hurts you, but hurts others.

That it hurts family, friends, and your peers. Those who look up to you.

»»————-　☠　-————««

I will never forget the day I was in that [H] bed.

It was the last time I had seen him. The last time that I seen his tears. The last time I see the pain in his eyes. The last time I hear his voice. The last time I recieve a kiss to the forehead by him. The last time I ever got see him.

The last time of him seeing me in such a terrible situation. When he had to deal with two of his children in the hospital, but for different reasons.

But me finally coming to reality.

I have to get by for my siblings. So that they can see that they can grow up, and be whoever they want.