"I hate everybody, I love you. We could save the world, but we've got better things to do." -"Hey" by Honest Bob and the Factory-To-Dealer Incentives
She came in dressed in a superhero outfit. I shit you not, a superhero outfit. Her long, beautiful legs were covered in red spandex and ended in bright red boots with gold trim. She wore a black pair of short shorts, topped with a tank top that had an eagle on it. Oh, and the red cape. You can't forget the red cape, because that wraps up the whole superhero thing.
I almost didn't notice it when I was looking at her, though. I was drawn to her big, brown eyes. The ones that looked like a dust storm, or a better analogy because I'm shit at describing beautiful things. They had small hooks of mascara, I suppose going with the whole "eagle" look (even though the colors didn't match up-- whatever). When I finally got the guts to look at her face, I saw that she was biting her lip softly and had white, brilliant teeth. Her beautiful brown hair cascaded over her shoulders, and every small beauty mark was enough to make my knees wobble.
"Avengers."
I snapped out of it, realizing that I had been staring at her blankly for at least forty-five seconds. She tapped her fingers on the table, smiling softly. She was the first pretty girl I'd ever seen at a garage sale specializing in comic books, and my brain was going insane. "She's perfect oh my God we should totally marry her Britt what are you doing."
"Pardon?" I had barely heard what she had said, I was watching her drum her slender fingers on the table and bite her lip. God, she looked so cute.
"Sorry. I'm looking for the Avengers. Like, the comic book. I like your shirt."
"I-I uh... Th-thank you." I felt the words stumble out of my mouth and I thought "God damn it she'll never want to hold hands with a nerdy guy named Britt who fucking stumbles at a compliment." I looked down at my shirt to remember what the fuck was on it (Batman) and then started thumbing through the comic books. As I moved on to the second container she whispered "Want some help?" I nodded, and saw some neighborhood guys snicker at her. Her face went red, and she bent down deeper into the box to continue looking.
"Do you know them?" I asked, moving my eyes quickly in their direction while we both looked. She shook her head.
"It's just that I look weird I guess." She giggled, but I could see her getting redder and a little teary.
"Hey. Hey. It'll be okay." I held her hand through the box, and the guys kept snickering. "May I try on your cape?"
She shook her head, and whispered "Really, you don't have to try and get them to laugh at yo-"
"I'm not. C'mon. Just let me try on the cape." She smiled, and handed me the cape. I tried it on, and wrapped it around my neck. "Be right back," I smiled, and she giggled.
I walked up to the guys, and they stared.
"What a fag," one muttered, pointing and laughing. I looked behind me and noticed she was watching, and I smiled at her being so concerned for my safety.
I kicked one of them in the balls, forcing him to the ground. Black belt training really helped. I kicked him in the throat, and while his friends watched him die I pulled out a pocketknife. The guy on the right got two stabs in the abdomen and one in the throat, and the one on the left cried as I jabbed the knife deep into his eye socket. When he fell on the ground I jumped on his neck with two feet and pivoted, continuing until I heard a satisfying crack.
The people at the garage sale didn't know what to do as I walked towards them. Most fled, some stayed to grab their relatives or call the police. But she had stayed, and had only grown more wide-eyed. I handed the cape back and apologized for the blood, and she smiled and wrapped it around her beautiful neck.
I went back behind the table to grab her comic, and she whispered "I've been meaning to do that for weeks."
I shrugged and laughed, handing her the comic book and kissing her on the cheek. "It was really no problem. That black belt came in handy for once," and I smiled.
She took the comic book and left.
The next day when I went out to hide the bodies, a cape was on my doorstep.
"For my hero."
I smiled, and wore it all the way to the trash compactor at the local dump, and as I heard the satisfying grind of the bodies of my enemies, I realized something: We can all be heroes.
