Don't Call Me Angel [Book 4] (#Wattys2017)

Chapter 39

Before you read I want to thank everyone for your support and comments during my time of loss. It has been hard to write a single chapter since losing my great grandmother and many of you who messaged me if it was PMs or comments in my books who have lost people as well and said that my books have helped you in some way and that means a lot. Hearing your stories were what helped me come out of a black hole I made for myself after losing 6 close family members for the last 11 months. So thank you guys so much for your words. I couldn't have asked for better readers then you guys, I love you all and wish you all great happiness.

"She's in stable condition but, " the doctor looked at me and back at Tony and Edea while shaking his head.

"Tony, can you please leave, " Edea asked while rubbing her large belly.

"Yes, ma'am."

Once Tony was gone the doctor and Edea waited for a moment before continuing the conversation. "She doesn't seem to have a will to live, Ms. Wolff. After her last visit, it looked like she had a fight chance but now."

"Just say it." Edea crossed her arms over this chest.

"I'm afraid that if she sees her mate she will only go into a deep depression. I hate to see history repeat itself. If her mate isn't one hundred percent-"

"He is one hundred percent ready."

"But I can't-"

"She can't live without him, you know just how powerful a mating bound is. He needs her just as she needs him. You know how humans can be, they don't understand or feel the bound as we do. And he finally understands that."

"I can't let him see her unless she wishes it."

They both looked at me with concerning eyes. They wanted me to give them an answer. An answer I didn't know I wanted to answer at all.

"Olivia, his waiting outside. Would you like to see him?"

I do want to see him and I don't. I just wanted to die. I don't want to feel this pain anymore. I just feeling any empty shell.

"You can go, doctor, " Edea finally said thought hard silent. He hesitated before leaving us alone, she spoke again. "Olivia? If you want I will have him leave and you will never see him again."

I throw my head up, unable to speak. I don't want that. Just an hour ago I woke with a splitting headache not knowing what had happened to me. I thought I died and then I was here. Alive.

"I will kill him too. So choice his fate. I can't risk seeing you like this again."

I didn't know what to say. I just want to be alone.

"Then he dies, " Edea spoke coldly.

Without thinking, I screamed and within seconds Joel ran into the room looking around for any danger. "What happened?" He asked looking from Edea to me.

"Nothing, can you watch her for me. I have another family member here and I would like to see."

"Yeah, sure." He nodded watching her leave. With his back to me, I waited for him to say something. Anything. I wanted him to look at me. "I'm sorry."

"What?" I whispered barely hearing myself.

His back continued to stare back at me, "I shouldn't have pushed you away. I thought I was protecting you by pushing you away. I thought it would have been safer if we were apart."

"Protecting me from what? "

He turned towards me. For a second I didn't realize that I wasn't breathing. "From me. All my life everyone I have ever loved or gotten close to had died because of me. My parents, my siblings, my. . . wife. All died because they were to close to me. I have killed all my enemies and yet no one is safe to be by my side. All I have is Marnie and I couldn't protect her when she needed me most." Shame washed over his face. "And when I found, " he shook his head as if to erase the thought, "I thought I was going to lose you too. Because of me, you lost your wings, you were tortured, starved. . . you were hanging on a thread because of me." He paused clinching his fists to his sides. "When you told me I was your mate I had mix feelings. At first, I was happy but then I was angry. Not at you but myself. There was a moment wanted to be with you but I was betraying what I believed was the best for my family. And I pushed you again and hurt you. When I found the other day, all I wanted to do was save you. Love you."

"What are you trying to say, "I asked tearing up.

He couldn't look me in the eyes, " I don't deserve you. I hurt you. Called you-" he cut off. Was he not able to say it now?

"Say it. What did you call me?" I know want he called me that day? How can I forget? But I wanted him to say it. So he would never forget. "Say it! "I hissed.

"A whore, " he looked at me as if saying the word hurt him as it hurt me. I glared at him, waiting for him to continue. "I want to start over. I want to me you happy. I-"

"You can't change the past, Joel, " I said his name for the first time. To feel his name leave my lips felt nice. "Everything I lost can't come back to me within a snap of my fingers, " I cried. "The only blessed thing that has happened to me is that I don't remember that first year we meet or the time I lost my wings or whatever damn thing you did to hurt me until the day I woke up in the hospital not knowing a damn thing. I wish I never meet you on that day at the hospital. Maybe things would have been easier."

"You're right, I'm sorry, " he turned away from me showing his back once again while he walked back to the door.

All I can think was don't leave me. It hurt to watch him leave. It hurt so much I couldn't breathe. I hate him but "I still love you." I spoke out loud.

He spun on his heel and looked at me. "What did you say?"

"I hate you." It started as a whisper," I hate you! "I cried, "but don't leave me. Not again. I can't do it again, " hot tears ran down my cheeks burning my skin. I squeezed the sheets into my tight fists. I almost didn't realize that Joel was already by my side. A hand above my fists and a hand on my back.

"I won't leave you. I won't leave you again. I will never hurt you. I will never push you away. I'll make everything right. So will you have me?"

I laughed at how stupid I was being but how can I say no to my mate. "The next time you hurt me, "I hiccuped, "I'll kill you, "I said speaking as if I was Edea for a moment or maybe they were my own words.

He laughed softly and whispered in my ear while hugging me close, "I wouldn't want it in any other way."