Before I start, there's no art here, except for a shitpost, I'm tryna convince myself that's okay bc I've already posted today. It's legit jus me rambling about a mental health update. Not a vent I hope, more an explanation as to why I'm bein so weird [mental health is not an excuse dw] so I'll put a tl:dr at the end
Speaking of summing things up fuckin uhhhhh hh
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
And body dysmorphia, possibly,,
This isn't self diagnosed, and while I still doubt the diagnosis, it was from several tests by my therapist, who is a licensed mental health professional n all that cool shit,, so I should prolly trust it but it's hard to. I feel like I was too biased even tho I always assumed I wasn't anxious which would've been biased in the opposite direction so I'm not sure what to think??
But ah,, yea. Turns out I have anxiety. And,, possibly depression? According to her it's moderate, and my anxiety is in the next worst category, although again I find that hard to believe,, I've jus never related to people with anxiety online. However, I'm starting to realize how different it is for everyone, and it def explains a lot
As for the body dysmorphia thing, I'm equal parts v in agreement and not at all,, it's weird. But body issues aren't my therapist's specialty, which is why I'm not seeing her anymore
She,, referred me to a clinic next door that's better for that. It mainly focuses on eating disorders, tho
I haven't gone there yet and I kinda hope I can get out of it for a while, my parents told me I could take as long as I need so I'm not under any obligation. I can't help feeling I still don't deserve this
One of the reasons I'm scared is because body issues are probably my second biggest problem rn, the biggest being much more broadly,, myself, especially personality and just the way I act [sexuality crisis comes in at three yeet]
I believe that personality is more important than appearance. However, as much as I hate my body, it's nothing compared to the way I am
That's the stuff I usually make vents about, and it's been affecting how much art I produce. I already plan on having a hiatus during finals and some time leading up because Death but some days I jus,, god I dunno. But I will push through it
I appreciate all the kind words. Thank you guys so much💞💞I wish I deserved them ^ that's a rhetorical self deprecation, I know I say things like that a lot and I always feel guilty when I refute them,, I'm sorry. God, I'm sorry for all of this. Reading back through it I worry I sound even worse than usual and just saying that is making it even worse okay okay god time to stop
Tl:dr turns out I have anxiety, and possibly depression and body dysmorphia, according to my therapist. While it affects my quantity of art a bit, I'm doing my best to get through it and I'm getting better at it. It's the main subject for my vents as of late
Time to post this before I delete it because wOW that's a lot of guilt, I hope this wasn't too off topic or venty,, I prolly won't talk about this again, but I rlly wanted to explain it rn, for some strange reason
