Hearts Without Chains

48.

Song of the chapter- Somewhere Ohly We Know by Keane

~You must suffer through the intricacy of feeling too much~

Iain Thomas, I Wrote This For You

Josephine-

Day twenty seven.

Week four.

September thirteenth.

Since last Thursday when we facetimed at my workplace, all Harry and I have done is texted one another. Today is Wednesday.

Two weeks, and it will be my nineteenth birthday. My hope of Harry being able to come back to see me has dampened a bit, with the way things are between us. I can't be angry at him, because I know it's my fault.

My days consist of working. I've avoided Tyler at all costs, and for some reason I don't want to be around Olivia or Shawn, either.

Everyday it's as if I dig the hole I am in deeper and deeper. Another day of not telling Harry, equals making it all the more worse for when I tell him, having held onto it for so long.

So I wallow in self pity day after day and that's it.

On day twenty nine, on Friday, I call Harry. Because I'm wide awake at eleven thirty at night, wondering what he's doing, and if he wants to call and isn't just as I am. I know Harry picks up my late night call, because the ringing has stopped, and all I hear is the static of a silent line.

"I just wanted to hear your voice." I murmur after a few long seconds.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" He asks me in response.

I turn over in bed, "I just can't."

"Did I wake you up?" I wonder, quickly calculating in my mind that it's about seven in the morning over there.

"No, I've been up." He says.

Our words seem so empty, and the worst thing is that Harry has no part in it. All he sees is me giving no effort to talk to him, and I know it must hurt.

"I want you to come visit...." I trail off. I know that if we see each other all of this tension will go away, that it will be just like it was before he left. And I could tell him everything, explain why I've been the way I've been. Explain to him the guilt I feel.

"For my birthday and all. I miss you Harry, and I'm sorry for the way things have been, and when you come see me I can explain why.......but I just want to see you." I say almost helplessly.

"When?" Is all he responds with, and I can tell he is holding back with his words, trying to be as cold to me as I've been to him.

"The twenty seventh, so maybe you can come for a week?" I ask him, somehow feeling like he won't want to. There is a beat of silence before he sighs.

"Of course I'll come, baby." He says, making me bite my bottom lip as tears well in my eyes, feeling so, so relieved as his cold demeanor slips away.

"Yeah?" I ask, my voice trembling.

"I'll speak to my mum about it, let her know, and I'll figure out when I can come." He says, making me smile.

"Thank you."

"Why do you have to thank me?" He asks, seeming to laugh a little.

"I just..... Thought with how we've been, that you wouldn't want to come." I say honestly.

"I have to admit, I'm really worried about what's going on with us." He says, and I know that must be hard for him to say out loud.

"You don't need to be, I still wan't you Harry, just as much as I did when you were still here. Maybe more." I let the words spill out, willing that all this stuff with Tyler never happened so I wouldn't have to even have something to hide from him.