From Bad to Worse

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Seven

Ian went to get his book, leaving me with Nikolai on the couch. I continued to stroke his hair as he wrapped an arm around me holding me close. The tension in him remained but the fear lessened, and I was grateful for that. The room was quiet maybe too quiet, the silence was thick enough to let my mind wander and that was the last thing I wanted. The first place my thoughts went was the worst possible outcome for all of this. What if all I did was play right into my own death?

"We should take Margot and go far, far away," Nikolai whispered, squeezing my hand.

He spoke aloud what I thought numerous times, but I needed Aleksi. I couldn't go anywhere without him, maybe the three of us could end up somewhere. Then I realized it wasn't my Aleksi who accepted Nikolai in my bed and I shut my eyes tight and collapsed back against the couch with Nikolai's waist at the small of my back.

"Shit," I hissed softly crossing my ankles. Language, Missy. There's no reason for you to be so vulgar. With Aleksi back things were going to get more complicated, I might even have to choose. I could say without a doubt that I would choose Aleksi, but at the same time just thinking about the choice made my heart hurt.

"Why shit?" He twisted toward me.

"Do you remember before? Do you remember what Alexi was like when he saw us together? What he said? What he did?" I sighed and covered my eyes. "He's gonna make me choose."

"I don't think he will. Before things were different, I was petitioning to be his fledgling. Now I am yours, as sure as you are his. I don't think he's going to make you pick. We fulfill different parts of your life. But I do believe he will impose rules on us."

"You are painfully optimistic." I giggled, and allowed myself to relax against him.

"I wouldn't say painfully, but I do realize I'm an optimist. But with everything I've been through the only reason why I'm here is because I forced myself to be optimistic."

Not too long after Ian returned carrying three leather bound books, their ancient covers were worn, the gold filigree which had once adorned them long ago faded away leaving only pieces and chips behind. He carried them as though they were nothing, though I knew they had to at least weigh thirty pounds apiece. I held a book like that once, an old Oxford compact dictionary which was far from what the word compact might suggest. The thing weighed what I did more or less.

Without any hesitation, Ian spread the books out on the breakfast bar and started flipping through their pages. Nikolai watched him carefully but didn't say anything, he remained mute though he stared close, perhaps closer than he would've before. However, I was thankful that the animosity had gone from his gaze, but a certain peculiar curiosity replaced it that I wasn't entirely fond of.

After placing the quickest kisses on Nikolai's brow, I stood and walked to the kitchen. Without asking I took the thermos of blood from the vegetable crisper, and poured a glass. I stared down at the blood for a time, dark and thick it didn't quite seem like blood. But with all the anticoagulant they put in it, I was actually rather surprised that it seemed red at all. I brought Nikolai the cup and what my lips and let out a soft little breath.

"Last night I made a very difficult choice," I started, though I didn't know if I was phrasing it right. Aleksi was more than merely his sire, he was his father. Not only that but the only version of Aleksi Nikolai ever really got to know was merely a puppet not the real thing at all. "He... We... Aleksi came over last night, rather it, since we both know it's not really him... Rather wasn't."

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