Give Me A Reason To Believe

6. Why Can't I Have You?

Gerard sat in Mikey's room, on his bed. His younger brother was cleaning up CDs that were scattered all over the dresser near his stereo. "How's your hand?" Mikey asked pushing his glasses back where they belong.

"Its fine." Gerard replied bluntly, after he had spoken to Frank, he had gotten furious and fought the wall in the basement. It was only a day after. He looked down at his hand and flexed the fingers inspecting the cut up anand slightly bruised knuckles.

"Next time, punch something softer." Mikey said with a small smile.

"Oh yeah? When a wall mouths off to you, don't kick it and maybe your toes wont break." Gerard teased, this made Mikey grin like a kid again. Gerard smiled at him and remembered back when he really didn't have to give a shit about life. Back before he was seven years old. Gerard pulled his knees up to his chest and sighed. "Hey Mikey?" Gerard asked.

"What?" Mikey asked turning around. Gerard didn't answer. "Gerard??" Mikey asked louder, he rushed over tto his older brother who's face was buried in his gands and knees, his shoulders shuttering.

"F-Fuck." Gerard whimpered, Mikey sat down beside Gerard and wrapped a skinny arm around his brother.

"Gee, why are you crying?" Mikey asked, Gerard choked out a small sob.

"I fucked everything up, Mikey. I ruined everything." Gerard whimpered. "I fucking left you guys, to keep Frank safe, and my best friend...my best FUCKING friend goes for him." Gerard cried. "Overall life's been to shit, Mikey. I saw things, I wish I never saw, I feel things that I shouldn't."

"Gee, calm down." Mikey whispered soothingly, he rubbed his back slowly and Gerard picked up his head and looked at the boy. Gerard's eyes were olive coloured aand bloodshot.

"No." Gerard snapped, he stood up and brushed Mikey's hand off of him roughly.

"Gerard!" Mikey said in an equal tone. Gerard looked at him long and hard and just scoffed and walked towards the door. "If you to and drink, I'm telling Mom and Dad. They'll be pissed!" Mikey ground out, he got up and grabbed Gerard's arm. Gerard retaliated with a hand slapping backwards and colliding with Mikey's face.

As Mikey stumbled back with a shocked expression and a hand holding his cheek, Gerard turned. "I'm sorry Mikey.." Gerard whispered with a shakey voice. He opened the door and walked out. He closed the door behind him.

Gerard walked downstairs and grabbed a bottle of Captain Morgan's and a pack of cigarettes. He walked out to the front yard and sat on his car not giving a shit who saw. There was a chilly air, the moon was rising and he began to drink.

Gerard began to think of a tune. And then tapped his fingers on the cold damp bottle. He took a drag, he then lifted his head and looked behind him, he thought he heard someone walking behind him. He then leaned back when he realized no one was there.

"Y ou're not in this alone Let me break this awkward silence Let me go, go on record Be the first to say I'm sorry Hear me out, And if you take me down Or would you lay me out And if the world needs something better Let's give them one more reason now, now, now" Gerard sang in a somewhat normal tone, his singing voice raw.

He felt a hand on his knee and his eyes flew open and he lifyed his head up. Frank stood in front of the Trans-Am, a dull expression on his face, but in his eyes a tint of surprise.

"Quite the voice." Frank stated, Gerard stared aat him and took a swig of his alcohol, half the bottle was gone already. "Can I see that?" Frank asked pointing at the bottle.

"You're not real." Gerard muttered shaking his head. "Get out of my head you jackass." Gerard slurred. Gerard let out a throaty laugh.

"I am real." Frank muttered, Gerard scoffed and looked at him, placed his cigarette between his lips and reached out with a hand and gently placed a hand under Frank's chin, cupping his face in his palm. "Gerard, stop." Frank snapped.

"You're not fucking real you goddamn prick." Gerard ground out. Frank narrowed his eyes.

"I'm trying tto help you, Gerard." Frank said bitterly, he reached our for the bottle. Gerard grunted and oulled it out of Frank's small grasp.

"I don't need help." Gerard informed him, one hand still on Frank's face. "I'm totally fine." Gerard slurred with a smile.

"Fuck you Gerard." Frank snapped. Gerard frowned and gripped his face a bit tighter. "Ow, Gerard let go." Frank complained. Gerard shook his head and gripped tighter. "I'm saying your name! Isn't that great?" Frank whined.

"Its a name. Simple." Gerard growled gripping even tighter. Frank whined.

"Fuck you Gerard. Let go." Frank growled, Gerard scoffed and took a long hard drag.

"Gerard, let go of him." Bert's voice sounded, he reached out and gripped Gerard's forearm. Gerard blinked and looked at Bert.

"Go away fucking bastards." Gerard growled.

"Let go of him." Bert said darkly. Frank's face was crunched together in pain, the grip Gerard had was definitely going to leave a mark.

"Fuck you Gerard." Frank whimpered.

"Gerard! Let go of him!" Bert snarled. Gerard let go of Frank roughly which shoved him back. Bert let go of Gerard's arm. "Why are you back?" Bert asked. Gerard glared at him and quickly put the burning piece of his cigarette on Bert's arm causing him to yelp and slash forward with a punch.

Gerard fell off the side of the car but landed on his feet. "What the hell!" Bert screeched, Gerard whipped a arm forward and the glass bottle shattered on Bert's shoulder, glass went everywhere.

"Don't touch me." Gerard growled. Bert looked aat him in utter shock. Frank backed away nervously.

"Yeah? Maybe you should have said that before hurting Frank and breaking a fucking bottle on me." Bert shouted. He lunged forward and tackled Gerard to the ground. They fought, landing hard punches and jabs. Mikey came outside in pjs pissed off. He walked over to Frank and they whispered for a moment.

Bert was kicked backwards and then pinned down, Gerard landed several punches in his face. Bert shrieked at one time and then Gerard did too.

Mikey and Frank rushed in amd pulled the boys away from eachother. Frank had Gerard and had him tightly. Mikey began to work on pulling glass out of Bert. Gerard was breathing heavily, Frank pulled him back tighter and Gerard leaned on him shaking.

"Bert, stop." Mikey ordered, Bert was trying to get back over to Frank and beat the shit out of Gerard. Frank had an arm going from Gerard's left shoulder down to his ribs on the right side of him. His other hand going through Gerard's hair. Frank knew it calmed Gerard down.

"Calm down, Gee. Please." Frank whispered, Gerard shivered against Frank's hot breath on his shoulder. "I'm sorry." Frank whispered.

"Stop touching him!" Bert shouted.

"Shut up Bert!" Frank shouted back, Bert went silent instantly. "What's wrong, Gee? Why aee you acting like this?" Frank asked.

"Why can't I have you?" Gerard murmured, he had blood dripping down his lips, there were two splits in the soft skin.

"Gee, you changed so much." Frank whispered. "I'm with Bert now.." He said.

"I need you Frankie." Gerard said quietly. "I'm so sorry I left...it was a mistake." Gerard whispered, he had no idea if Frank even heard him.

Time seemed to still, Frank looked into Gerard's eyes. Golden brown to a deep olive green. Frank's fingers running through Gerard's greasy hair gently, soothingly. Bert grunting and freaking out still in Mikey's weak restraint. Darkness everywhere. Gerard's heart stopped as Frank's lips parted, his tongue passed over them.

"I'm sorry, Gerard." Frank said with a sad expression. Frank stood up and pulled Gerard up as well.

"W-what?" Gerard asked, Frank gripoed the collar of Gerard's sjirt and pulled him down pressing his lips to Gerard's hard. The kiss lasted for no time. It was done aalmost instantly.

"Its just..not the same." Frank said looking aat him. "I don't feel it anymore." Frank said with a frown. "I'm sorry." Frank said, he backed away from Gerard and grabbed Bert's hand and he took one more look at Gerard and crossed the sgreet to his own home.

Gerard stood tthere heartbroken, his eyes following Frank's every move. Mikey tried to move Gerard back inside, but Gerard wouldn't budge. He had no idea how to move anymore. Only to breathe. He was broken.