All I hear is the water dripping from the bathtub, and a ringing sound coming straight from my ears. I don't know if it was the pills, but I feel like I am finally letting go. I cant do this anymore I think to myself as I slowly fade away. Everything turns black. All of a sudden I feel at peace, not just with myself but with everything. I smile and just slowly fade. Its the best feeling in the world, I just wanted to feel no more pain....
Then all of a sudden as I layed there left to die, I heard my mom scream, and crying. Saying what did I do, and what happend. She held and me and was rocking me back and forth. The last things I ever felt were her tears landing on my cheeks.
....The past week before the incident.....
August. 4th, 2012 - I felt so alone and I didnt know what to do but just cry my eyes out. I feel like nobody wants to even look at me. I feel so much hate towards me. I just cant do this anymore. I dont want this anymore. If I I hurt myself I feel like they will all just judge me and just put in another hospital. I cant stand those. All I wanna do is just be me without being judged. Why this. I just want the world to end.Well bye journal I got to go for now, my mom and dad are fighting and I think I'll just take bath and try to hold my breath.
August 5th, 2012 - I feel so much hate toward my school everyone judges me. I know, I know I wear fucking black clothes. And I have black hair. But it's my style. You don't have to call me the fucking grudge in front of my face, and just throw your drink at me and walk away. I hat bullies at school. I mean they cause school shootings. It's just so fucking stupid. I wish my life was fucking better. Honestly what did I do wrong to them. They do stuff to me all the time, and I just don't do anything. I don't fight. Well A lunch is over, I better get up so nobody the girls dont throw there trash at me. Later.
August 6th, 2012 - Today is the worst day of my life. My mom and dad havent even noticed me for about a week. My mom has been fighting with my dad. My dad's been hitting me, my mom doesnt even notice all the black and blue bruises and marks on me. Last week my dad pushed me against the wall with a butcher knife saying if I dont make his food he will slit my throat, and make food out of me and feed it to our dog Gypsy. So of course I hurried up and made my dad an instant dinner ( which he could have fixed by himself ). But I was just to scared to tell him myself. I hate how nobody gives a shit about me.
August 7th, 2012 - I have gotten closer and closer to the feeling of wanting to kill myself lately. I have been cutting myself lately, which is why I have been wearing alot of long sleeves and jackets lately. I really feel like there is nobody I can talk to out there, I feel like I can't connect to anyone out there. Today is my last journal entry. Whoever reads this, will now know the real story about my life. That I am aboused, neglected, bullied by dumb highschool students, and I just can't take it anymore no matter what. So this is a final goodbye, to my only friend who was the only one who listened no matter what... thankyou.
My note that tells it all....I am writing this as a letter that whoever see's this will probablly see my body by then and will problly start freaking the fuck out. Honestly I can't take anymore of this. So I am writing this to tell you, whoever is reading this. That I don't wanna live life anymore with the monsters. You might think i may be crazy. Literally there are no monsters in my head, Its morelike the monsters the monsters in my life. The ones who push me into stuff for no reason and tend to do it on purpose, the ones who taunt me in school, at the mall, practiclly anywhere I go, and I'm done running. Maybe I shouldn't even be here anymore. I mean my dad and mom doesn't even notice me anymore. So why should they even have a child. I am sick an tired of hearing them argue every single night. So maybe this is the end of the road for me. I never had anybody there for me. I just feel so alone in this world. Nobody hears me .
