Letters Written to You

letter i

dear you,

there's something bubbling inside of me.

a build-up of jealousy and resentment.

there's this feeling in my chest, i feel like crying.

there's this girl you like and her hair is the brightest red i've ever seen. you think she's beautiful. you think she's unique.

you like her.

i felt a thousand things at once when i saw you kiss her today.

i could still feel my stomach clenching right now, the unsettling feeling in my chest, the shattering of my heart.

there are over a thousand words that can be used but i don't think any could decribe the way i felt today.

god, i wanted to kill myself again

my dull hair is nothing compared to hers. my dull brown eyes are nothing compared to her bright blues.

i can see why you've fallen in love with her.

she's everything i'm not.

she listens to the same bands you like, she's thinner, she's prettier, she's talented, she can sing.

you love girls like that.

it's stupid how i felt but oh god, i'm so sad and depressed because in the end, not only was she better than me, but everybody else was too.

at least one person seemed to have a quality better than me, and it makes me feel inferior. like i'm the lowest of the lowest.

fuck fuck fuck i hate my life.

i hate her.

i hate everything.

i'm sorry.

the only thing i don't hate so far is you, but oh god, you're getting there.

and you probably won't ever read this because i will never send it to you, but i at least want one person to know that

i fucking love you so much.

- me