Tainted

Vengeance

The door closed behind me and I locked It., making sure that she had no way out.  I didn't want her following me, not where I was going.  

I pulled up my hood, pulling it close around my ears, protecting them from the howling wind, typical England.  The weather always seemed to change at a whim.  My mind raced as I walked down the path and along the street.  It didn't feel right locking her in, but I couldn't think of anything better.  It was safer for her.  Right now, I had to go and see him.

My blood rushed through my ears as it boiled with my anger.  He needed to be dealt with I thought as I turned at the first corner in the direction of what was supposed to be her home.  

Once I was there, I seemed to freeze.  Not sure what to do now.  I could easily walk in there right now and confront them.  They were both home.  Their cars were in their drive and I could see the flickering of the TV through the netting in the window.  I knew they were both probably sitting in front of the TV with a beer can in hand and catching up on Hollyoaks, like the pussies they were.

My hands clenched in my pockets as I stood and watched.  A silent witness to what was not a reality but a charade.  A charade to hide what they were doing, a charade for what they were...Monsters.  I wondered if they knew...I wondered if they knew that they were both molesting her...or did they both think that it was just their precious little secret.  Right now, I wanted to carve into that dirty mind of theirs and make my way to carving the rest of them, castrating them would be my last act.  My hand twitched with a vengeance, yet I stood there and watched, not moving just watching.

 ******

 I sat on the sofa, waiting for him to come back; he was going to the shop to get some fags.  That’s what he said and I had no reason not to believe him.  All I could really do was sit here and wait, always waiting.  I didn’t like being alone, the silence in my head would become an echo of thoughts that I could never escape from.  Without thinking about it, I reached for the remote and turned on the T.V.  This was what I needed, a distraction...at least until he came back.

A small smile crept to my lips as I flicked through the kids channels, it had been so long since I’d last sat down in front of the T.V and just watched without care of who was watching me...because they were always watching. 

My eyes lit up as Scooby doo popped on the screen and memories from my childhood came rushing back.  Things had been so much easier back then, so much better. .  Yet that was a yesterday that I was never going to get back.  As I watched the images on the screen, I thought about the way he had reacted, at first he had scared me when he pushed me away but it wasn’t his fault.  His anger got the better of him sometimes, but when he gained control again, god he was there.

I didn’t remember the last time someone had been there for me like that.  Not even my mother, she was clueless...Always had been.  She was an innocent soul and I had no desire to shatter her perfect life.  Though it always surprised me when she didn’t notice the tears in my clothes, she washed with her hands, yet never noticed, not once questioned me.  It was almost as if she had come to her own reasoning as to why I always seemed to have holes in my clothing or a ripped seam.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts, I was doing it again, letting them run wild...sometimes I couldn’t tell what was real anymore, not with the way my mind over took me.  I closed my eyes and thought of his arms around me, consoling me.  God, I wished it was his baby; he would be an amazing father.  The way he’d let me cry in his arms and then reassured me that things would be okay.  He even said I could move in whenever I wanted it.  The best thing was, I could see in his eyes how much he meant it.  I saw in his eyes how much I meant to him.  My heart fluttered in my chest and my eyes sprang open, I knew what to do.  For once I had a plan.