Caught and Released

Funeral

"Oh how tragic. Rosalie...." Whispers a voice from the audience.

      "I know. I feel so sorry for the poor thing." Another voice says quietly.

      "How old is she again?"

      "Twenty." A man states.

      I turn my head away from the voices. Their pity only makes me more miserable. The sky is a dark gray, the wind blowing slightly to the north. Old City Cemetery is crowded with family and friends of Caleb, all surrounded by his casket. I try to give a feeble smile to everyone who looks at me, but I'm pretty sure it turns out as a grimace instead.

      The priest stands up and starts talking about him. Tears burn my eyes, threatening to fall at any moment. It was like Niagara falls here. Everywhere I look, people are wiping at their eyes or stifling their own tears. It all feels surreal. Like I'm going to wake up and he is going to be there, smiling at me.

      "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here on this November Sunday to honor the life of Caleb Thomas Parker. He was an amazing achiever who never lost sight of what he wanted. I remember...."

      No. I can't hear any more of this. I drown out what the priest is saying and look around me. Everyone is morose, but I know they feel nothing like I do right now. I catch the eye of Calebs' sister, Cara. She smiles weakly at me and I turn away fiercely. I want to tell her that I'm sorry, but I can't.

      Her eyes....his eyes. The most beautiful, darkest blue I've ever seen, outlined in an even darker blue, almost black. The only difference between Caleb and his sister was their hair color. Her hair is a dark brown. His was black. They both even had the same smile.

      The wind stings my eyes and I squeeze them shut, more tears falling down my cheeks. I tune back into what the priest is saying. "....and to conclude, I'll leave the pulpit open to any last remarks from family."

      Caleb's mother, Janette, stands up and walks to the front of the mourning crowd. She sniffs a couple of times before she embarks, "I remember when Caleb was a little boy. Seems like just yesterday. He was always so warm and loving. I knew, the moment he brought Rosalie home, that he was in love."

      I look up, my eyes wide. She is looking at me, a warm smile playing at her lips though they still tremble, "You meant the world to him. And you should know that though he isn't here, he's still here," she places a clenched fist over her heart. "He may be dead, but he has loved truly."

      If he was here, I think, everything would be okay. We would wake up to another beautiful sunny day. I clench my jaw and drown out her voice, too. I can't stand it anymore. I wonder when this will end, the misery and the pain. Why? Why did he have to go? Why did his eyes have to close before mine?

      Janette concludes her eulogy, takes a quick look at her son, and sits back down. Everyone turns to me, and I know they're waiting for me to say my final goodbye. I take a deep breath and try to steady myself as I stand up. I waver for a moment, holding onto my head. Then I walk slowly to the front, and turn around to see the faces of everyone that loved Caleb as much as I still do.

      Regretfully, I look into the padded coffin, choking back tears as I stare at his pale face. It is beautiful, but it is too still. No life. From where I stand it looks like he is smiling, as if to say "move on, honey."

      I choke on more tears and turn back to face the crowd. "Ca- Cale-" I stutter. What is wrong with me? I can't breathe. The world is moving off-kilter and I don't feel the ground when I hit it. People from the crowd rush up to me. The last thing I hear is, "Rosalie? Honey?"

      And all I can think about is Caleb.