Deathless (Editing)

Chapter 14: The Essence of Time

When I returned to my meager dormitory, I could not sleep. It began when I climbed into bed, where I stared through the window, watching the saplings' shadows scatter across the pine straw when the wind bent them back. When the wind went still, I just stared mindlessly into the darkness.

What had I done?

What did he mean?

What happened?

Questions filled me with possibilities. Had I truly called forth his power? It sure felt like it. It was different than my own ability. It felt intoxicating and volatile. It felt consuming.

Why did he have this effect on me? Did it have anything to do with his observation that we were equal but opposite? What had he even meant by that? And who was the woman, and what was her role in my missing memories?

I really should have asked more questions before enlisting in his scheme to end this war.

Gods, how stupid! I cursed to myself inwardly, before flopping over on my side. I had not even inquired as to his plan for winning the war. Maybe it involved my sacrifice? Maybe it meant we all died at the end? Who overlooks such a crucial detail? Me, apparently.

Uncomfortable, I tossed in the bed.

'Freedom will be yours soon. Spend it well.' The words roared through me.

Had he meant that? It seemed like an impossibility from where I was standing. Sullied were never truly free; the bounds of society's hateful expectations ensured that.

Even assuming that the Lord High Commander would pay my price, I would be his. Sure, he could burn the papers and dance in the ashes, but it would not change his legal status over me. He could order me to the front lines with little more than a bugle and a smile, and I'd be forced to go, burned paper or no.

There was no freedom for me. There never had been. My consolation would have been Mistress purchasing me and keeping me as her "apprentice," but even that fate was remote. Mistress's inn brought enough business for the three of us, but I doubted she had any sizable savings to purchase a Sullied. Most of what we earned either went to keeping us fed and alive and to keeping the inn running.

Realizing that sleep was a long time coming, I sat up in bed and shrugged my robe over my shoulders. I needed air. Fresh air.

My feet slipped from the warmth of the mattress, piled with covers, and pressed against the cold wooden floorboards. Careful to roll up to the balls of my feet as I began toward the door, I paused only to collect my shoes, which I hooked onto my feet the minute I was securely outside the room.

To the hot springs. Maybe the heat would relax me enough to elicit drowsiness. Maybe there was enough time for sleep to be a possibility.

Mostly, I did not want to think about the Lord High Commander and his half-spoken truths.

The path through the camp was desolate in the ominous shades of night. No sound. No one. No movement other than the flickering of lantern light and the swaying of trees against the winds.

I pulled my robe tighter around me, but it did not matter. The gusts nipped at my skin and made quick use of it. Bitterly, I turned my head into the wind. I could see the River Lee in the far distance. Maybe if it wasn't there, I would have escaped. I considered the possibility for a long moment. Maybe I would have tried to steal a horse and venture into the hinterland.

But, there was no taming that river without a boat.

"Thinking about running?"

I jumped at the man's voice before recognizing it as one I knew well. Too well.