Silence (Rivamika)

three.

That was three days ago and Levi didn't have the heart to see her like that, silently sobbing into her hands as the smallest of muffled whispers escaped her lips. It was his fault. He should have taken better care of his squad and kept Eren in check, even if that titan boy was rampant. Never, in all of Levi's years of fighting has someone had an injury like this. 

He sat at his desk now, his hands holding his head as he tugged at his hair feverishly. He decided to go see her as it was late in the afternoon now and he had to get it over with sooner or later. He took a notepad and pen off his desk and proceeded.

Levi arrived at her room, holding his fist up to the door to knock only to slowly drop his hand back down to his side, a frown present on his face. Cautiously, he opened the door and saw her sitting upright in her bed, looking gloomier than she usually did. He fought the urge to call her name. He sat down next to her bed and tapped her shoulder, her head snapping in his direction and her face expressing surprise. She calmed when she noticed it was her Captain. 

"I'm sorry," Levi said. He didn't know if it was directed to himself or to the air around him but he knew it was for her. Mikasa frowned as she stared at his lips, trying to read them but failing. He pulled the notepad from his jacket and began to write. 

He flipped the notebook in her direction. It read: 'I'm sorry.' Mikasa shook her head as if to tell him it was alright, but he knew it wasn't. He began to write once more. 'Hanji said that this is temporary. Everything should be better in about a week or so, okay?'

Mikasa nodded and reached for the notebook. 'I've been sitting here for days' She wrote and held up the paper. Levi regarded the words as she wrote again. 'Can't I go do something??'

Levi shrugged and took the slim notebook. 'Like what?'

'Training room' Were the only words she wrote and to that, Levi immediately shook his head. She rolled her eyes. 'Why not'

'Not safe' he wrote and saw the absolute anger in her eyes when the paper turned toward her direction. She snatched the paper from his hands and scribbled angrily. 

Levi watched her. It hurt him; seeing her so angry, knowing she needed a way to let it out, but he couldn't let her; especially when she wouldn't be able to hear her own punches on the bag. Suddenly she stopped writing and regret filled her eyes. She flipped the writing utensil, forgetting it was a pen, and tried to erase the words. When she realized, she rushed to scratch out the words when Levi suddenly got a grasp of the top of the notebook, pulling it downward for him to read. 

His eyes widened as he felt his heart drop to his stomach as he read: 'Since when do you care about safety, I can't even hear myself think and you-' The rest of the words were crossed out in harsh black lines. Levi didn't know what he felt. Guilt swirled in his gut but his chest grew cold. Something told him to stop caring, to go back to the captain that appeared stolid. 

'Don't be so reckless next time then' he wrote and tossed the notebook on her covered lap, rising and making his exit. He cringed at the sound of crunching paper, looking back at Mikasa while his hand rested on the door knob. 

She stared down at his words, not noticing how tight she was actually holding onto the paper. She really was reckless wasn't she? She shook her head slightly and sank back down into her bed, lying down facing away from the door. It seemed to be the only thing she could do lately. 

"Mikasa," Levi unconsciously called. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair when he realized his mistake. Slowly, he went over to her and lightly touched her shoulder to which she turned only to face away from him once more. 

"Sorry" Mikasa whispered, barely audible. But Levi heard it. It made his coldness melt and cause his throat to dry. He also saw the way her hand flew up to her mouth when she spoke, only to realize she had no clue if what she said could be heard. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, a shaky breath escaping her lips. Levi finally cracked and sat back down next to her.

Her back was facing him, but he still took her into his arms, pulling her up from the sleeping position. She turned to face him, a hand still muffling her sobs as she didn't know how to control her volume; however she was being extremely quiet.  Levi couldn't watch her like that, it absolutely broke him. 

Slowly, he removed her hand and brought her head to his chest. He felt hot tears leak onto his white button up but it didn't bother him. "Sorry" he heard her whisper again. "Sorry, sorry" 

Levi stroked her hair softly and tightly shut his eyes. "God, Mikasa this wasn't supposed to happen," he spoke to her quietly, knowing she wouldn't be able to her him. 

"But I'm going to keep saying your name until you can reply to me, okay?" Levi felt her crying subside to only sniffles as she gripped his uniform jacket. "Until you can hear me again."