A New Vista

Chapter 45

April, 1958

Paul and Joanne had so much chemistry on that big screen. Their love was apparent in every single scene they had together. The way they looked into each other's eyes showed a sincere admiration for one another. Before they ever got married, I knew they were meant to be.

Who was I to Paul? Well, whenever I saw him he introduced me as an old friend. After things subsided with Essie back in 1954, Paul and I finally were free to love each other as we wished. Essie found it within her heart to gift Paul and I her family's hotel room, in which she described to be an 'infested devil's nest' on an attached memo to the paperwork.

Those unkind words didn't phase Paul and I, we continued on living together. However, Paul began to get extremely invested in acting. He was always away filming something or participating in a project. My heart was set on medical school, which took up a lot of my time as well.

Still, I found myself alone in that apartment waiting for Paul to return home from work. Paul gave Marlon his blessing to entertain me while he was away. Marlon exercised that blessing to the best of his abilities. That also led to Marlon and I having a blessing of our own after nine months.

"Mommy, how do uncle Paul and Uncle Marlon get stuck in the screen?" Marlon and I's daughter, Deborah, asked me as she tugged on my skirt. She was only 4 years old when she posed the question.

"They're not stuck, they film them—" I tried to explain, but she wasn't understanding. She also didn't understand that Marlon was her father. We concealed that information from her to protect her from the pain of being an illegitimate child.

Paul and I did love each other, even after all that was said and done. It's just that what we both realized was that our dream of being together was unrealistic. There was nothing but bitterness left between us after all that happened. We were much happier supporting each other in other ways.

I met Joanne Woodward one day when Paul returned to New York, his favorite city. He brought her to the hotel suite to meet Debbie and I. She had no clue exactly how I ended up living in there, nor did she have any clue about Paul and I's past.

She became Mrs. Newman later that year.

In the late 1960s, I got a call from Joanne inviting me to Connecticut. When I arrived at their beautiful suburban house, I was shocked to find that Paul was not there.

It was just Joanne and I, she invited me inside for a warm drink. We both sat across from each other on the couch, the only sound in the room was the ticking of the nearby grandfather clock.

"Is there a reason you asked me to come here, Mrs. Newman?" I smiled at her. She picked up her teacup and stirred her spoon around inside, then sipped it without breaking eye contact.

"How long did it go on for?" Joanne asked me out of the blue. She and I never spoke about Paul and I's relationship in the past. Paul told me all those years ago he'd never tell his wife. Yet somehow, I knew exactly what 'it' she was referring to.

"In college. A little after that too." I told her calmly. "How did you find out?"

"Paul didn't tell me, that's for sure." Joanne laughed, but it was more out of nerves. "It's just that I found a few letters..."

"The letters? He kept them?" I asked with risen brows. Joanne's breath hitched in her throat as she nodded. She looked down at her lap, her bangs hiding her face, then back up at me.

"I feel like a fool. For not being let in on this." Joanne admitted to me. "Why didn't either of you tell me?"

"We didn't find it necessary." I shrugged. She paused for a moment. "Neither Of us wanted to complicate things.

"Did you ever... go back?" She softly began. "While he was married to me?"

"No, I never would disrespect you like that. I respect you as a woman far too much." I admitted to her. Paul cared so much about Joanne, I could never ruin his marriage to her.

"So much that you've come in and out of my home, smiled in my face and eaten my food knowing that you've slept with my husband?" She asked me. I stayed silent.

"It was in the past. He loves you." I reassured her.

"He loves you too. He always loved you, I can see it. But I never thought he ever acted on it." She told me, her voice cracked with sadness. "I never thought that he would be with..."

I looked down at my hands, embarrassed by the conversation. I felt naked, like a dark Secret was revealed. Guilt was taking over as well, although the secret was kept with good intentions.

"And your child looks like..." Joanne whispered. The tea cup she held in her hand suddenly began to shake.

"It's not Paul's child." I whispered to her. She sighed an exhale of relief.

"I don't know what I'd do if it was." Joanne shrugged. "All these years and he hadn't done one thing for her."

"You know Paul would never ignore his responsibilities, he was wonderful to your kids together." I complimented.

"Oh, as wonderful as a modern man could be." Joanne waved at me with a smile. Then, she pierced her lips together, contemplating something. "I know it's not my business, but if not Paul, then who?"

I took a sip of my tea, trying to decide whether or not I should tell her. Suddenly, a lightbulb went off for Joanne.

"Well, that's not surprising at all." Joanne rose her head up high. "Marlon has kids everywhere he goes."

Both of us laughed together. Then, Joanne placed her teacup on the table in front of her.

"Besides, I've had my share of Mr. Brando as well." Joanne sat back on the couch. "We all have."

"He's a very busy man." I smirked at her. Then, there was another period of silence between us. Both of us stuck in our thoughts about all that was being revealed.

"Do you still love Paul?" Joanne asked. I reluctantly nodded yes.

"Well I can see why he loves you." Joanne admitted. "You're an amazing woman, you managed to be a doctor and everything."

"Thank you." I nodded with a smile. "It was an accomplishment."

"All but one thing." Joanne sighed. "Marriage."

"Don't rub it in my face." I smirked with a risen brow and she laughed.

"I guess you choose what's more important to you." Joanne clasped her hands together. "Just like acting and my kids were important to me."

"You're an amazing woman, Joanne." I told her. She smiled with a nod. The two of us talked for hours, and once the sun began to set we stood out on her porch.

After a warm hug, wished me a safe ride home and off I went. On the ride from Connecticut to Manhattan, I thought about my time with Paul.

I thought about how it was in college, he and his frat brothers pulling pranks on us. I thought about all of the wonderful friends I've had so far in my life.

I thought all the people who taught us lessons, both good and bad. I reminisced on all of the years we continued to spend in each other's lives. I thanked God for my daughter, that she was as healthy, beautiful and smart as she was.

I felt fulfilled at this time in my life and I was only halfway through it. The car glided across the road and I continued on ahead. The sunset glowed brightly at the end of the road.

It surely was bright ahead.