FETUS DELETUS -ＭＩＳＣ . [discontinued]

❝I just smashed into a wall- no wait, it's a dude on steroids.❞

CALLING ALL BOYS WITH ROCK HARD ABS IN HIGH SCHOOL

WHERE YOU AT?!

honestly, i only recently realised this, but there are very weird things on wattpad- and i know what you're thinking; "Oh you only just realised this?" and yes, i literally just noticed this.

so let's get into a [hopefully small] list of clichés that annoy me;

THE BEGINNING

So the main character [who's a girl we'll call Mary, short for Mary Sue] is just cruising along the corridors of her new high school [which we'll call Stereotypical-Name High School] when she suddenly runs into *gasp* the love interest [we'll call him Dude]! Of course she automatically falls down on her bum while Dude stands there in all of his muscled glory, glowering down at her. Somehow, she's able to check out every single detail of Dude's face, and then we learn exactly what kind of guy he is; bad boy, playboy, fuckboy, richboi, rapist, pedophile, jerk, etc.

[hint; he's all of the above, jk naw- only half of them] [and yes, there's a difference between bad boys, playboys and fuckboys- I'll get into that later.]

After this, we descend into the hellhole of clichés, with this story becoming a copy and paste of many others- although you can usually expect a few iconic lines or 'cute' scenes.

LANGUAGE

In the words of the Star Spangled Stripper [AKA Steve]- "LANGUAGE!"

1.) Orbzz

Ok, this almost always shows up in fanfictions I read, and I don't know why. Honestly, I'd appreciate it if they used more unique words/phrases. I just searched up synonyms for eyes and you know what came up? Honestly, I'm surprised more people don't use these words. Here is the same sentence with variations for the word orbs.

Original [Literary Synonym of 'eye']: I stared up at his blue orbs, filled with an emotion I couldn't quite place.

Alternatives With Feedback;

Common Replacement- I stared up at his blue eyes, filled with an emotion I couldn't quite place. 

This is definitely the most natural sounding synonym, and it works out well for this sentence. It doesn't disrupt the flow in any way at all, unless you're using it often in/near the same place.

Common Synonym- I stared up at his blue eyeballs, filled with an emotion I couldn't quite place.

This sounds funny in the sentence, yes- but that's why I kept it there. Anyways, this would sound fine if Mary said that Dude had blue eyeballs. 

Informal Replacement- I stared up at his blue peepers, filled with an emotion I couldn't quite place.

I think you can tell I wasn't typing this seriously. But honestly, this being said by a character would be pure gold for a comedic scene because it's so informal.

Archaic Replacement- I stared up at his blue optics, filled with an emotion I couldn't quite place.

Use this in a transformers fic. Please. Someone. Like if the transformers used this to describe human's eyes, because it's their word for it ohmygoshyess.

Anywho... this could be used in a historical fiction, as it's an older word.

Rare Replacement- I stared up at his blue globes, filled with an emotion I couldn't quite place.

Maybe rephrase it a bit? Yeah, this would sound better if it was something more mushy like 'He had deep blue globes embedded in his head that flashed like sapphires.' yeah... nope.

Not happening anytime soon.

My favorite Replacement- I stared up at his blue organs of sight, filled with an emotion I couldn't quite place.

XD I'm dying...  Ok, I think you can tell that this was also kept as a joke, but imagine this in a story about an actual nerdy girl who's NOT like Mary Sue, more like, her sister; Mary Beth being all like, "Your organs of sight are beautiful."

That is something I would pay to see in a wattpad book [paying for wattpad books, that will be a topic later on].

2.) We Will Build A Wall, It Will Not Be Great

So I was wondering, how many high schoolers do you know with rock hard abs, a chiseled jawline, etc?

Exactly.

I beg you, please make realistic characters.

Why do they always feel like walls anyways? If you're bumping into stuff so often, then how can you not feel the difference between walls and people?

I mean, people are literally sacks of meat and bone, and walls are bricks and stuff. But also, how does the person being bumped into have no reaction? It's like, if the character bumps into them with enough force to fall down, then how do they not fall too? Or even make and 'oomph' [wtf is an oomph noise? I must be high or something...] noise or something?

3.) Grammar Nazi

I don't mean to be a Grammar Nazi, but could writers put a bit more effort in the grammar of the story?

Like honestly people, I don't want to be reading a book where you say, "Then me and him went to the store," or "He handed the object of extreme importance to her and I."

Please learn your grammar so that it doesn't distract from the story.

4.) Punctuation Does Not Exist

 when people write this:

"hey dude im super bored" he said "where do you wanna go?" i asked.

Are you unable to press the capital button? Unable to type periods at the ends of sentences? Unable to press the enter button? Unable to add commas? No.

Here's the fixed and edited version of that:

"Dude, I'm super bored," he said. "Can we go somewhere?"

"Where do you wanna go?" I asked.

Doesn't that sound and flow better? Honestly I don't get why people can't at least have proper punctuation, because that's something everyone learns [unless you've never been educated, which makes me wonder why you even come onto Wattpad, nevertheless have a Wattpad account and stories].

5.) Spelling = Headache

It actually hurts me when authors spell 'yeah' as 'yea' because honestly it fucking SUCKS.

Or they use 'then' in place of 'than' or vice versa.

'Than all of a sudden he hugged me. I was filled with a longing for us to be friends like we used to be back than.'

Um, excuse me? What going on here?

'I'd rather kill a toad then kiss you, and I seriously love toads."

So you want to kill an innocent toad [that you claim to love] and then kiss him? Makes total sense to me.

TO BE CONTINUED...