Where to Find Me | Tyrus

Part 9

Cyrus' POV

"I'd like to say thank you once more to everyone for joining us in celebrating twenty years of The Grand Cedar Lodge!" Andi's great aunt says from the stage. "Without you all, we wouldn't be here, creating memorable experiences for new and returning guests everyday."

The diner is packed with people, and each table is filled to its capacity. Everyone is wearing semi-formal ties and dresses except for our group of friends, who didn't realize this was happening until we got here.  Still, we did our best to look presentable, which basically just means none of us are wearing pyjamas.

At our table, Buffy and Andi are on either side of me, with Amber next to Andi, followed by TJ right across from me, and Jonah beside him. As expected, TJ's not looking at me, but that's because he's currently turned around in his chair to face the stage, so I guess he's just being respectful. Still, it bothers me.

"I hope you all enjoyed the amazing food made by our extremely talented kitchen team." Linda gestures to the uniformed adults waving at the back of the room, and the crowd applauds. "Next, I'd like to invite you all up to the front as we move onto the dancing portion of the night."

A few cheers erupt as the music kicks in, playing a beat I recognize, but that's likely just because all pop music sounds the same to me. Amber immediately takes Andi's hand and leads her through the tables to the dance floor. Jonah and TJ don't dance, but instead go over to the drink table.

"Come on," Buffy says, pulling my wrists to get me up.

"I'm not feeling it," I say.

She rolls her eyes and plops back down in her seat to look at me. "Look, Cyrus, you're undeniably one of the best people I know. You're fantastic, and if TJ doesn't see that, then that's his loss."

"Thanks," I say.

"You're welcome. Now get up and let's dance!"

She drags me over to the crowd and starts swaying to the tune. I let myself relax and let loose, dancing along with her, although not nearly as well. When the song ends, we're laughing together, and I feel a lot better.

"See?" she says. "Dancing fixes everything."

I smile. "Yes, you were right."

And then everything falls apart again; Ed Sheeran's "Thinking Out Loud" comes on. Of all the songs they could play, they pick this one. The crowd divides into groups of two around us. Even Amber and Andi come together, Andi's arm's around Amber's neck. I walk off the floor, feeling out of place, and Buffy follows me back to our table.

"You were doing so good," she says, noticing my deflated mood.

I glance over at the drink table where Jonah and TJ are standing. TJ catches my gaze and sets down his drink on the table. Then he says something to Jonah and rushes out of the room, leaving Jonah standing there with a puzzled expression.

Then Bex appears from behind me and sits down in the empty chair beside me. She smiles at Buffy before focusing her attention on me.

"How are you doing?" she asks.

"I've been better," I admit.

"Is it TJ?"

Her question surprises me. "How much do you know?" I ask.

"He was pretty upset this morning."

"He shouldn't be upset. He's the one pushing me away. I should be upset."

"So you're upset."

I nod.

"Well, the good thing is that means you still care."

I do care. I don't know what's wrong with my brain, but for some reason I can't be mad at TJ. I care too much. Maybe that's a character flaw of mine. I guess I'll have to add 'be mad at TJ' to the list of easy things I can't do.

"I think you should talk to him," she says.

I shake my head. "I've tried that twice and both times it did not go well."

She shrugs. "Third time's the charm?"

TJ's POV

I sit on the dock, my legs hanging over with my bare feet dipped in the water. It's late. The sun's already down and the stars would be visible if not for the clouds covering overhead. The scent of pine lingers in the air, accompanying the quiet whistle of the breeze through the trees. Everyone's inside at the celebration, but I'm out here, trying to breathe. I haven't been able to do that properly for a while.

I hear footsteps approaching, and I don't need to turn around to know who it is. He sits down beside me, this time staying a normal distance away. I want him closer.

"I'm not much of a dancer, either," he says.

I look down at my twiddling thumbs. "I'm sorry." I pause to formulate my words, but nothing better comes to my head. "Cyrus, I'm sorry."

"You're forgiven. Now can I ask what's wrong?"

I wait for a moment, not knowing how to say it. I don't want to lie anymore. Being honest takes a lot of courage, which I'm not sure if I have, but maybe Bex was right. Maybe I am braver than I think. Or maybe keeping a wall up is simply more draining than letting it fall apart. Maybe it just takes a lot more effort to lie than it does to tell the truth, even if that means letting down a shield that could be protecting me from being stabbed to death. Trying to stay behind it is just too suffocating.

"I'm scared," I finally mutter.

"Of me?"

"Yeah. And how I feel about you."

"How do you feel?"

I look up at the sky. The clouds are still blocking any starlight from passing through.

"You see how the clouds are covering the stars?" I say, pointing upward. "I'd be okay with never seeing the stars again as long as I can still see you."

He doesn't respond for a moment, and I'm worried he hates me for saying that, but mostly I just feel relieved to finally get it off my chest. It's like the weight I've been dragging around just disintegrated into thin air.

"That's poetic," he says.

"I'm sorry," I say again.

"Why?"

"I shouldn't have said anything. You probably hate me now."

"I don't hate you," he says.

I turn to meet his eyes with mine and they lock instantaneously.

"I'd understand if you did." I say. "All I've done is push you away. You'd have to be pretty amazing to like me after that."

"So you think I'm amazing?"

"What?"

"TJ," he says, "you can be oblivious."

That makes me smile, and I notice his brown eyes flicker to my lips. This time I don't stop him when he places his hand on my jaw. I don't pull away when I feel his lips touch mine. I give the butterflies in my stomach permission to come out of their cage, and I let myself feel this.