These Four Walls

Twenty-three

The last 3 months have gone by in a blur. I can't even believe that it's already the new year.

Harry and I spent two weekends of each month in South Shields and my dad's family came down to London for the other 2 weekends to stay with us.

We took the boys out to trick or treat during Halloween. We all dressed up as ninja turtles and it was the most fun I've ever had in awhile.

Harry and I also spent Christmas with them and we went to Paris. It was the first time I've ever been out of the country and every day of the short trip was magical.

The city was beautiful and better than I had always imagined. It was a dream come true for me.

Jesy went home for the holidays and told me that our mam was extremely sorry for the way she treated me and for keeping everything from me.

She told them that I had found my real dad and I was spending the holidays with them due to his condition and they understood it.

I spent my birthday in London with all my friends around me and I've never felt more blessed in my life.

My mam and 'dad' sent me a gift which Jesy brought me, it was a nice gesture from them and I think its time I finally forgive them.

I spent New Year's Eve with Harry at home in our pyjamas. We stayed up late watching movies and I finally got my first New Year's kiss and it felt like I was living in a fairy-tale.

But all good things come to an end. My dad started getting weaker once the New Year hit. Every day he got sicker and sicker but he kept a smile on his face through it all.

They decided to stay in London after the New Year. My dad wanted to die in the city he was born in and he wanted to be buried here as well.

He died three days ago, twelve days after the New Year. I knew his time was coming up soon but I didn't want to believe it.

The past 3 months was pure bliss, every moment I got to spend with him and his family is something I will always treasure in my heart.

I'm still in shock that he's really gone. I had him and then I lost him so quickly. I wish there was more time. Even though we tried to do everything, at the end of it all it wasn't enough time.

There were still so many things I wanted to say, so many more things I wanted to do with him that I will never get to do.

But he made me feel the love that I should have felt growing up in the little time we had together. He made me feel what it was like to have a supportive father.

He made me feel loved and cared for. He made me feel like I was enough the way I am, that he was proud of the person I am.

Funny enough, I had no idea who I was before I met him but once I did, my whole life changed. I realized the person who I wanted to be was completely different than the person I thought I was.

There were many instances along the way that made me realize who I really was but he played a big role, despite only knowing me for 3 months.

But the real hero of my story is Harry. I'd be lost without him. He's stuck by me from the beginning.

Never in a million years would I have thought I would end up with some one like him. Then again, the Harry that's with me now is a completely changed man.

"Hey babe, are you ready?" I hear Harry's voice through the door. I take one last look at myself in the mirror.

"No, but I have to be." I say to myself and exit the woman's bathroom. He offers me a comforting smile and holds out his hand for me.