Less amazing, still Phil

Waiting

4 am

5 am

6 am

Anxiety filled every single part of Phils body. He couldn't sleep, eat or even think. He was so scared about what was going to happen that day, he was scared of the therapist, Dr Coven or whatever his name was. He was scared that they were going to make him accept the fact that he was messed up, wrong and a complete failure 

Phils appointment wasn't until 4 in the afternoon and he was looking forward to yet another day of moping around and dreading the appointment. He didn't bother getting up or having a shower instead he thought that he would finally make contact with the outside world and turn on his mac for the first time in 3 months. in fact, when he thought about it, Phil realised the only contact he had with the internet was checking Dans pages and e-mails on his phone. This was going to be a giant task.

He turned on his mac and instantly regretted it, his desktop background was a picture of him and Dan that was taken in the early years of their friendship, just before they moved in together in Manchester. They both have cat whiskers on their faces and were holding up their hands like claws. Phil loved this picture because it showed how things were when he was at his happiest, when he and Dan were so close people mistook them for long lost brothers or, as far as their fandom were concerned, lovers. 

Phil had thought about a relationship with Dan a lot of times, they were very close, even for best friends, they often fell asleep in the same bed because they were up all night talking and messing about. He never actually approched Dan about it because he knew it was crossing the line, Dan was straight, end of story. 

Phil logged on to tumblr, twitter and youtube to find hundreds and hundreds of messages, comments and tweets from worried fans. He scrolled through the, hopelessly searching for Dans name but he found no such thing. To his surprise there were a few tweets from Pj and Chris, his old best friends who also used to make videos, worrying about where he was and if he was okay. He replied to PJ, Chris and about 30 fans before writing a tweet  and tumblr post explaining why he had been away. 

The tweets and messages came rushing in but Phil decided to ignore them all and shut down his laptop. He wasn't ready for the internet yet, they knew he was okay and they would have to deal with that for the time being. He checked the time before closing his mac and burying it under all the mess in his room.

how can it only be 7am?

Phil thought to himself. He was looking around his bedroom trying to find something that could consume his time for the next seven or eight hours before he had to get ready for the therapists.  He decided that he would watch Buffy The Vampire Slayer, he took out his Dexter DVD, put in Buffy and settled down  to watch it.

                                              *                     *               *

Phil woke up very tired and very confused, he must have fallen asleep whilst he was watching Buffy he looked at the clock it was half pat 3.

SHIT

He leaped out of bed and showered as quickly as he could, grabbed the first bit of clothing and pair of shoes he could find, picked up his keys and ran out of the door. His hair was still wet and he was still putting on his shoes as he got in the elevator to go to the lobby of his block of flats. He had to get 4 tubes across London and be at the clinic in 20 minutes.

FUCK FUCK FUCK. I can't miss my appointment 

He tapped his feet anxiously waiting for the lift to get to the bottom floor, he jumped out and ran to the tube station, luckily all of the tubes he needed to get were on time, he was stuck behind slow passengers as he got off the last one and half walked half ran to the clinic. He got to the desk at 4:01 and sighed with relief.

"Um hello my name is Phil Les-"

"Take a seat and Dr Coventry will be back in a minute" The receptionist cut him off and pointed to the chairs across the room without even looking up from her computer. 

Phil waited for about 20 minutes before the door next to him opened and a rather old looking man walked out. He had a lot of grey hair and he was looking over the top of his glasses. He had a very expensive looking suit on and as he walked out flashed a giant grin that made his look a little bit psychopathic.

That's ironic. I get the psychopathic therapist explaining that something is wrong with me.

 "Ah you must be Phil" Phil stood up as Dr Coventry held at his hand, Phil shook his hand, took a deep breath and followed him in to his office. 

"Take a seat and we will get started" he said pointing to a large leather sofa

This was it, there was no going back now. Phil was changing.