Decaying Hearts

Chapter 13

    Maria was already at Nancy’s side, desperately examining the wound. Tears slowly trickled down Rosie’s face. Tony stood in shock; mouth ajar, with Jake and Howard who both grew pale. Lenny began to pace, taking off his usual red hat and brought his fingers through messy brown hair. I could see the water well in his eyes, the quilt tormenting him; guilt that wasn’t his to bear.
   “It’s my fault. I killed her.” Lenny whispered to himself as he paced, repeating it over and over.
   “Lenny...” I spoke softly. “Lenny, it wasn’t your bullet.”
    He paused, looked at Nancy and sighed before continuing to pace, “It doesn’t matter.” His fingers were grasping his hair with knuckles turning white. Lenny dropped to his knees and his hands fell to cover his face, his beard chaffed as his skin as he violently rubbed away salty tears. After a few moments he was calm, but his eyes were no longer the warming grey I remembered them to be. No, they were harsh. They were dark tornados on a war path.
   The he said, so calmly it sent shivers crawling across my spine, “It may not have been my bullet, but it was the ignited the showdown.” Lenny rose to his feet and stormed through and out the back exit. Emma stood there now, for how long I wasn’t sure, holding Isabelle behind her so she wouldn’t see the hearts that were breaking.
   I rushed over to meet them and told Isabelle to mine and Lenny’s room, I’d come for them when I could. The canteen was no place for a child in that moment; no matter what she had already witnessed, just in that day, It was still a scene didn’t need engraved into her ever-growing memory of horrors. Emma seemed more than happy to oblige, picking up Isabelle and almost running through the centre of the chaos.
    And then, there was Robert; a man overwhelmed by grief that hung heavy in the cold canteen. Sobs echoed through the canteen along with the desperate cried for his dying wife. He held on to one side of her face gently, as if too much pressure would cause to disintegrate into dust. His other hand held on to Nancy’s, his thumb running across her knuckles. Her blue eyes looked up to him, completely focused his. Her arm began to risk, shaking with the task, and she held Robert’s cheek in return. She knew what was happening.
   Maria had looked for the exit wound and to much dismay, she failed to find one. The bullet had nestled into her chest cavity and didn’t have the equipment or even the experience for such a massive operation. There was nothing she could do. All she could do was shaking her head disbelievingly and rose to her feet, turning away. I could see the hopelessness in her eyes. They looked almost behind the tears.
   Robert’s head slowly fell to Nancy’s chest, listening to the last beats of her heart and Nancy faintly rubbed his fine greying hairs. Her lips began to move, they trembled but her voice came strong, “Robert, don’t cry for me you silly old fool.”
    He couldn’t help but choke on a laugh as it broke through the sniffles. He raised his head to look at her.
   “Nancy, my love.”
   “I’m only dying.” Nancy spoke matter-of-factly before she softly whispered, “I’ll never leave you.”
   “You can’t, Nancy, you can’t. Why not me?! It should have been me...” Robert started but broke down once again.
    Nancy softly soothed him and began to sing. The words of Elvis came softly, the lyrics falling over her lips, “little things I should have said and done, I just never took the time. You were always on my mind.”
    Robert stroked her lips and kissed her firmly, knowing it would be there last. “And you’ve always been on mine.”
    Nancy smiled, the creases folding in her cheeks. She slowly closed her eyes and took her final breath, her chest shuddering slightly as though choking on the air that entered her unwilling lungs and her body fell limp. She was gone. All that was left was the memory of her life and the endless sobs of her husband that had been left behind.
     We all decided to leave Robert alone with the body of his wife for a while. In the old way of life, loved ones would be able to go see the body before a funeral and this was the best alternative we could give him.
      I went outside to check on Lenny and was surprised to see he had already begun digging a grave. He was so focused and vacant he hadn’t even noticed me approach. He had chosen a beautiful spot for her. It was under a beautifully grown tree that casted a long shadow across the field, there was a flower bed nearby with a wide array of colours. I had never been a flower enthusiast and to be quite honest I couldn’t even tell what flowers grew there, but they were breathtaking. Patches of yellows, pinks and blues rose from the soil, all of which were framed by the gentle green of leaves and stems. They were all in bloom. It seemed fitting that the flowers were so... alive. It was like they had risen to pay their own respects, to say good bye.
    To the left of Lenny, who continued to toss the soil over his shoulder, were two rectangular mounds in the ground; graves. Each one held on to a make shift cross, made out of two thin planks of wood from a pile nearby and were nailed together in the centre. Instead of interrupting Lenny from his unnerving reverie, I joined him. I picked up a shovel that had been left resting again the tree bark and jumped into the shallow hole with him. He paused for a second as I landed in the soil, just a brief second.
    After around half an hour or so, at a guess as I never bothered with time anymore, the grave had been dug to its appropriate depth. The base and walls were reasonably level and so it was time to see if Robert was ready. It had been a gruelling, emotional day for everyone and with the sun setting it wasn’t long before we would run out of daylight.
   “Thanks, bud.” Lenny said simply, placing a manly hand on my shoulder. I drove my shovel to stand alone in the ground and held my hand out to him before pulling him into a masculine embrace. I patted his back firmly and he started back toward the canteen.
    I followed just a few steps behind, not really knowing to place myself. Would I even be invited to the funeral? After all, I hadn’t been there very long. Was Tony still angry with me after refusing to follow his murderous orders to shoot a young boy? Tony had shot him anyway. Maria was with both boys in the old nurse’s office. She had briefly said both would be okay but needed to take care of them straight away, maybe she was happy with the distraction. What was Tony thinking? Shoot them both and they’ll just decide to join us? I’m sure they would think what wonderful hosts these people were. Maybe I had been better off out there alone?
   But it is pretty good here. Everybody had been welcoming. They’d given me shelter, food, medical care, all the things that everybody hoped for even in a normal life. Still, after seeing Tony... like that, I just... I felt unsafe. I felt as though he was about to lose his mind or something. Maybe he had already lost it...
   I decided I would check on the boys in the hospital when the service was over. It would have been no point going then anyway; Maria had already given them some sedatives to keep them under a few hours so she could remove the bullets, and so they couldn’t escape. So instead, I headed back to my room to get Isabelle to join us. I knew a funeral wasn’t the place for a child, but after what had just happened, I never really wanted to leave her alone. She was my responsibility. Maybe, she would even be able to use the service to say goodbye to her own family. Plus, I was certain that Emma would want to pay her respects.
   As I entered the room that once upon a time was a classroom, Emma nodded to me briefly and ushered away quickly with a tear in her eyes. I guessed she would be heading to her brother for comfort. Emma and Jake were the luckiest of us all, they still had each other whilst we all had lost our families.
   Isabelle was sat on Lenny’s mattress in the far corner politely. Her back was pressed back against the wall just so her little feet hung over the edge, she was wearing black shoes with a silk flower stuck to the toes and a thin black strip ran across her feet to keep the shoes from falling off her feet. Her light brown curls were covered in dirt and dust, I wondered how long she had been actually been hiding in that cupboard.
   “How you doing, kidda?”
   “I’m Okay.” She said sweetly. “Is that lady okay?”
   “She’s in a better place now.”
   “The same place as mummy and daddy?”
    I nodded to her softly and her head fell to stare into her knees. She was wearing a pair of white tights, well they had been, under a dark blue skirt. Her top was pink with elegant yellow flowers and covered in mud. It looked as though ketchup had been smeared across the sleeve – I hoped it was ketchup.
    I could see her heart breaking through her eyes. She was so young, she deserved the right to a normal life, not to watch her loved ones die before her, before she could even understand the true meaning of death.
   “How old are you?” I asked.
   “6. I’ll be 7 soon! I think.” Isabelle gleamed and a slight excitement returned into her eyes. “Mummy and daddy are making me a cake!” It only took a few seconds for reality to set in and the excitement barely lasted a minute. It was horrible to see such a sweet girl in such disarray.
   “You know, it’s not too bad here.” He smiled.
   “Really? When did you get here?”
   “Yesterday.” I  laughed and she giggled too.
    A head popped around the corner of the room. It was Maria with her sullen brown eyes still looking dark with tears. Her voice came soft and weak, “We’re ready. We know you haven’t been here very long and didn’t really know Nancy but Robert has asked for you to be there. He knows much you’ve done for us already.”
    I nod at her. Of course I would attend, he had asked for me to be there and it ignited warmth in me. It was humbling to know I’d already been accepted here, appreciated by the people who stay here for just the little things.
   “Come on, Iz.”
   “Ew. Don’t call me Iz.” She stated, with an attitude of a teenage diva. “I want you to call me Belle! Like Beauty and the Beast!” She smiled.
   “Okay, come on then Belle.” I held out my hand and she kindly took it.
    It was odd holding a hand so much smaller than mine. It was nice. I had always wanted kids of my own before everything went down. Although I know I’ll never replace her father, he had raised her from birth, but I’d be the best I could. I would be like an uncle of sorts, but I would take care of her like my own. She was going to be the one to make it in this world, I’d protect her with every ounce of my soul.

    The ceremony was heart wrenching. Tony stood in front of us all and recited a section from a dusty old bible that Nancy had kept. I didn’t know what section had been recited, I had never taken religion seriously. It seemed pointless.
   Tears and cries erupted from almost everybody there. Robert was on his knees at the edge of her grave whilst Jake and Howard gently lowered her to sleep. The service seemed somewhat incomplete; there was no coffin for her, she had just been wrapped in a soft pink blanket she had brought with her to the school in a vague attempt to protect her from the earth’s creatures. She had always hated bugs.
   Tony had finished his passage and offered the opportunity for anyone to say a few words, but anybody could muster up the strength. Everybody sniffled and whimpered beneath sobs, even Tony had struggled to read aloud. It was sad for no one to say a word at her funeral, so I stood up to the plate. Nancy deserved a decent send off.
   “I may not have been here long, only a day in fact,” I start, “but I know from all of you today, that Nancy touched the lives of many. She was a wonderful woman and from what I know of her, she was always smiling with kindness imprinted in her eyes. Today, we say goodbye to a person we should all aspire to be. She had held on to humanity in a world filled with monsters, and so should we. Goodbye, Nancy. Rest in peace.”
    A soft applause came my way and the boys began throwing the dirt back into the grave. The tears seemed stronger now the service was coming to end, signifying the final goodbye. Once the grave became a third mound of dirt, Tony forced a cross in the head and the group placed an array of pink, yellow and blue flowers amongst the heap.
    It was sad and beautiful. We were forced to say goodbye to a fine lady who didn’t deserve to leave. At least she was safe from the dangers of this world, but maybe it’s what’s left of our world we should be worried about.