Parinay (by Basanti)

Part 9 (Mature)

Chapter 9A-

When Kushi entered what was previously their bedroom, she found the room encased in darkness, like the life of the person who was currently living in the room. She gathered the unbound curtains and opened the glass door to let in some light and fresh air. She then walked towards the pool, Arnav's favorite spot in the house. She saw his back faced towards her, his stance tensed. He was looking at sky, as if he were searching for something rather someone among the stars.

For a moment the events of two years came back to her and Kushi contemplated whether she should reach out to him, lest he repeated his actions from two years ago. But she knew that Arnav had changed for the good. This Arnav wasn't the Arnav from two years ago, there was no way he'd react like that ever again. She walked up to him and put her hands on one of his shoulders. Arnav initially tensed at her touch but then he slowly relaxed.
'What do you want Kushi?' He asked without moving his eyes from the star lit sky.
'I want to talk Arnav.' Kushi replied affectionately.
When he didn't turn his face to see her, she walked to the front to face him. 'Not now Kushi, I'd like to be left alone.' He pleaded with her.
Kushi smiled sardonically, fate did have a way of bringing back the past, time and again where they were concerned. Kushi took a deep breath in. She took a step towards him and cupped his face using her palms.
'No Arnav. I'm not leaving you alone. Not again. Not ever.' And with those words, she made the first step towards reaching out to his troubled soul. She then she placed a light kiss on his lips. Arnav broke the kiss with much difficulty and took a step back to put enough distance between them.
'Don't Kushi. I don't deserve either your kindness or you sympathies.' He told her in a tone that mirrored the deep sorrow of his heart.
'I'm neither being kind nor being sympathetic. I'm here to let you know there I'm there with you.' She told him while trying to hold his hand which he moved away from her reach.
'Dont Kushi.' He looked at her for a moment with his blood-shot red eyes, before averting his eyes to look back at the dark skies.
'Do you know why Nani's death hurts me so much?' Kushi looked at him intently. 'Because it once again reminds me what a big failure I'm in life.'
'Arnav dont...' Kushi tried to stop him.
'Not today Kushi. Let me speak.' He looked at the sky again. 'I have been nothing but a big failure in life. I failed my mother by not keeping my promise to her about taking care of Di, by breaking all ties with Di. I failed my Di by not protecting her against my father. I failed as a lover by not keeping the promise I made to Lavanya.' Kushi flinched at the words, but her own feelings and insecurities had to take a back seat now. 'I failed as grandson by not being there for my Nani before her death, The nani who had taken us in when we were without any help or support. The nani who had nurtured me, helped me achieve my dreams, helped me create a name for myself. What kind of a person does that make me? He looked at her for a split second and averted his eyes immediately, scared of giving into Kushi's understanding and affectionate gaze. 'And I even failed as a husband two years ago when I went back to Lavanya. But then I realised that I didn't want our marriage to fail like all my other relationships because of my mistakes. I didn't want to let you down' He then closed his eyes temporarily. 'But even that... I haven't been able to do a good job.' He then looked at Kushi in the eyes. 'That's what I'm, a big failure in life. I let down people who love me. Your husband is a man who can never keep anyone close to him happy.'
And with that the flood gates opened and the tears washed away Arnav's face. Kushi reached him instantly and held him in close embrace transferring her warmth, affection and something more to him. She continued to rub his back affectionately, whispering words of support, words of love. Arnav continued to cry for his grandmother, for the dreams she had seen for him and for his own inability to make those dreams come true for her. Above all he cried for not giving her a fulfilled life and not giving her the chance of creating one last memory with him before she left the world.