180 Day of Life and Death

180 Days of Life & death- chapter 3

January 7th –Day 22

There's no way I can lie about not being exiting about meeting Harry this week, especially after the last meeting that one which very well, last week.

I came in to his hospital room he was laying on his bed as usual but this time he wasn't even up-right he was just laying to his side his eyes locked at me as I walked and I expected he was lost in his mind 'cause he didn't move his eyes away ' hello' he closed his eyes then opened them as he said:' hey'.

'Do you have anything to do this week?' I asked him when I took my chair sitting next to him as he said:' I don't wanna do anything today' I notice his eyes were wet and bloodshot I got he was crying, I wouldn't push him to talk or even to do something with me today, actually I was in no mood to do anything either I was feeling tired and I started to regret go back to work before I completely cured from flu that I still feel tired because… 'Are you okay?' I asked worried what might be happened to him, when he just nodded.

'You know you can tell me anything and I wouldn't judge you, maybe I can help' I said.

I wasn't sure if we reach the point he would tell me what make him that sad but I was hopeful.

He bitted his lower lip not sure when I kept silence giving him the chance to think about his chances if telling me or not.

'She's mum… she just called, he voice was cracked this is the first time her voice being like this… I think she lost hope now' I rubbed his hand giving him the space to continue as he said:' she always was the one who thought that I'm gonna make it but now, she sound lost her hope'

'She only changed her way looking to things Harry… she don't wanna fool you and fool herself with some fake hopes, she's trying to deal with the reality that you might be leave her'

'I'm going to leave' he said in such sorrowed voice one felt with endless hopeless and misery but sound of accepting whatever it was.

'That doesn't mean you lose hope too, Harry… it's different not to accept the reality about being cancer patient and act if you don't have something wrong fooling yourself with lies about surviving in other hand accepting what cancer left for you to live with not gave it all up… 'cause in both you wasting time on nothing'

He smiled as he said:' I understand what do you talk about, I just felt as if mum gave up too that mean I'm going to fall harder than before… and now she did' I said:' I'll never let you fall Harry… remember I'll be you wings' he smiled softly closing his eyes in acceptation, he let them closed as if it was comfortable to let them like this.

The funny thing mum called today too, she had a nightmare about me last night she saw as if I was playing football – I stopped since I was diagnosed- when I fell on the ground and I got hurt –in her dream of course- so she called to make sure I'm fine not forgetting to remind me to find someone fit to me and fell in love with she was serious in this… I understand she was so close to lose me then she wants to use every possible chance to see me happy, I won't blame her.

'Have you ever made a blanket fort?' I asked slowly, sticking my hands in the pocket of my hoodie, relishing in the feel of the warm fleece.

He nodded a flick his eyes. 'Lana and I used to make them in my living room when we were younger.'

'Do you want to make one now?' 

He seemed to consider the suggestion for a moment before nodding, slipping out of his covers and standing in front of me, looking down at my upturned face with just a hint of a smile. 'Okay.'

I got up, sliding my bag off my shoulder and put it onto the chair, reaching for the blanket. 'I think if we tuck it at the foot of the bed we can make a kind of fort, right?'