Why Me?

Chapter Nineteen

The Plastics

I had to hand it to her; Delilah knew what she was doing. It was like the university and its inhabitants were her puppets in a vast curtained stage. Anything she said traveled at the speed of light and morphed into
beasts only she could tame.

In only a few weeks, I was shed of the big red A and handed a pink shirt to wear on Wednesdays. I was one of them now, shiny lip gloss, bouncing hair, and a presence that demanded eyes as our group strutted through the campus.

And I liked it.

Over that two week period in which I was the subject of her wrath, I felt myself slowly warping into someone I never wanted to be.

She was manipulative and passive aggressive with a bite she kept under a
sweet smile until you got just in reach. She was someone who kept me up at night, whispering in my ear. I could tell already that tonight was going to be another tally under the column that says, 'Sleepless.'

I stared up at the ceiling, the darkness circling around me like a swarm of sharks. Swimming around me, lulling my mind into a place I found it frequently lately, a place I tried to push back because I had to
convince myself I didn't care.

But here I went... drifting. I was back sitting with Delilah on that bench, picking up my phone and dialing Wyatt's number. I stared
back into Delilah's mismatched eyes as I pressed the cool plastic to my ear and listened to it ring twice before he picked up. He was hopeful.

"Noelle?" he asked, his voice quiet, breathy. I hesitated, staring into Delilah's blue eye, her brown eye somehow more intimidating.

"Noelle?"

"Wyatt... I... I..." I drifted off, my mouth dry. I smacked my lips, wondering where the moisture went.

"Are you okay? You haven't talked to me in weeks. What's going on?" he asked, his voice louder, more confident. Delilah grabbed my hand, nodding at me in encouragement, a slight twitch quirking her glossy lips
into a knowledgeable smirk. 

"Can you do it?" I asked her, my voice cracking.

"What?" Wyatt asked as Delilah shook her head rapidly.

"You can do this," she whispered to me encouragingly, squeezing the hand she held. She barely spoke, like she didn't want him to hear her.  

"Noelle, what's going on?" Wyatt asked, sounding scared now. "Are... are you hurt?"

"No..." I hesitated again. "But... Wyatt... I don't know how..."

"You don't love me anymore... do you?" he interrupted me. I froze in shock, my mouth hanging open as a soft, dry, gasp slowly escaped my throat. There was a few minutes of silence before I could even think to answer.

I stared hard into Delilah's blue eye, focussing so that I could disconnect myself from this situation, so I could convince myself it wasn't real.

"No, I don't," I said, my throat tightening. It hurt to speak, the air rubbing my insides raw like razor blades. I tried to gulp, to coat my throat with relief, but none was there. I was vulnerable, and the pain was only getting
worse. Wyatt cleared his throat.

"Oh... okay. That's... that's fine," he said, his voice forced into a stiff tone. He cleared his throat again. "I... I apologize for any trouble I caused. Have... have a good day." And he hung up. I had heard it in his voice. I had taken his heart, his heart that he had so reluctantly and cautiously opened up to me, and ripped it apart. But I had to do it. I know I had to do it. If I didn't, Delilah would have destroyed both of us.