There was a point in mylife that I Regret everything.. Yes, two years ago after my Ex-boyfriend left me. I met this man who changed my world upside down. He is the opposite of my Ex , from the body figure to sense of humor and all. At first I was hesitant because of my last break up but after several chitchats and dates, I gave in. Few months later I found out that I am pregnant, I was happy and still processing things. And, this is the time I started regreting things. The man i thought he was is not the man he is. I bare my child with full of stress, pain and betrayal. His Ex girlfriend still annoys him and so do I. There is no week that his Ex-gf will not text, calls and message me on chats, saying things inappropiate and very vulgar. But still I chose to be still. One time , she said that she's with my boyfriend and my boyfriend keeps on texting and calling her because he misses her and they wanted to celebrate their 3rd Anniversary. Second, when they have a company event out of town, the ex-girlfriend texted me that their were so happy like a newly wed couple. Exchanging sweet messages and even making love. But when I asked him, he just said nothing happened and they never talked. I was so devastated and hurt when I found out that all she said was true. Third, when I caught him chatting different girls and saying that they were beautiful, sexy and he wanted to meet them. Betrayal are evident hence I still chose to still. He went to different places with his friends and me alone in my room suffering like all the pregnant women does. I cannot eat what I want because he was not with me. All those sleepless nights when my hips in pain. Dizzines and nausea, the cravings and headaches I had. He was not there. I was on my 8 months when I asked him to accompany me every night. Backpains and hip-pains are real. I cried for all the pain and yet there he is sleeping like a log. When I gave birth to my son, thats the only time I was so happy and blessed. And still his Ex-girlfriend keep bothering and annoys me. Months past I need to go back to work because I was just on my maternity leave and he said don't go back, focused to our son. And I did. But the consquences are not that easy. I lost my job because he said and because of my son. I did not know that I will lost myself too. Friends are still there, however, the bonding are limited.I understand though because I have a son already. I cannot even buy new sets of underwear. When i asked him to buy me one he just only said yes will buy. Yes he provides for the baby and the foods. But that's it, he does not have willingness he just let me do things. I came to a point that it's enough i shouted him, i cursed him, and even plead to him, yes i slap him, I beat him and he beated me too. Sometimes, i asked myself what really gotten me why Im still with him. Then that truth is, i just don't have a choice for now. I don't have work and i don't have enough money. Yes , I love him but I am not happy. I want my child to have a complete family, which I never had. I dont regret having a son because my son is my life. I just regret loving the man who is not ready to stand as a man for now. I wanted him to changed, and hoping that one day he will. I want to have a family, i want to be happy and I love him despite of his imperfection. I will wait until my heart surrender.
