Tainted

Puzzled

My sobs quietened and he slowly pulled me back so he could look into my eyes.  "What happened to you?" he asked the one question that I had tried to answer before, when he had left me.  "You won't believe me" I said in a panic as I shook my head, biting my lower lip; mere seconds away from another breakdown.  He reached out to cup my cheek and I closed my eyes, leaning my face into his palm as my chest heaved as I tried to breathe, as I tried to force back a sob.  

"I'll always believe you" he promised me as he stroked my tear stained cheek with his thumb.  "Tell me" he repeated, but I couldn't.  I knew as soon as I opened my mouth to speak, I would just cry all over again.  He must have realised this, because the next thing he told me to do was get up.

He helped me to my feet and I let him, I found that I could barely stand and I was letting myself fall into his side as he half carried and walked me to the car.  He lifted me into the passenger seat and buckled me in before closing the door and getting into the driver seat.  He looked over at me and I dared open my eyes to stare into his sad ones.  I closed them again not wanting to see the emotions that flickered through him.  

"Let's just get you home okay" he said to me and that caused my eyes to open in a panic.  "No..not home"  I screeched, reaching to open the car door and let myself out.  He was quick; he took hold of my hands before I got the chance.  I kicked and screamed, but he didn't let go.  "I don't want to go home” I sobbed, but he still didn't seem to speak.

I looked back at him and he seemed to be in shock.  I realised, he'd never seen me like this and he was speechless.  I calmed at the sight of his face.  "Let’s - let's just go back to yours okay” I said to him, showing him that I wasn't going to jump out of the car and run.  

"That's what I meant" he said, still a little stunned.  He didn't understand my reaction, but he let go of my hands anyway.  

****

I watched her every now and then, risking a glance in her direction when I thought she wasn't looking.  I was still stunned, her reaction to going home..It shook me to the core and I wasn't sure If I wanted to know the reason behind such a reaction.  My hand tightening on the wheel, I turned left at the next corner and drove in the direction of my flat, all the while she sat there and looked out of the car window at the scenery that we passed, the images flashed like a roll of film.

I could understand why she was lost as she stared out the window, the images flashed by like a movie, flickering and moving from one story to the next as we drove from one street to the other;  each with its own characters and story, a certain past.  That's how I liked to think of it, and I knew she did too.   I loved that about her, that we were so similar.

But then, why couldn't I decipher that expression on her face right now.  It was mixture of grief and torment and a hint of something else that I couldn't quite place.

****

I could feel him looking at me every now and then; I could feel the slight flicker of his eyes as he drove.  It was as if he was trying to figure me out, like I was some sort of puzzle to him, a puzzle that just didn't seem to fit together.  

In a way, it made sense, how can you put a puzzle together when you’re missing half the pieces?

A complex puzzle that's what I was, but the thought made me cringe.  Did I just turn an innocent game into something disgusting and sinful?  I snorted out loud, yeah it made sense.  Only I could compare myself to a children’s game.  Only I could taint something of pure intent.

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Authors note - Hi guys, It's not much, but I'm working on it, well i'm trying to.  I know the last one wasn't quite complete, but whatevs, since this is a short story.  It's makes sense for every chapter to be so god damn short :P