anything in return | frank ocean [+18] complete

whip appeal

When I said it would be a long day out with the boys this morning, I didn't know how right I was until now. At the Clancy's, a type of day like this would be chill with everybody lying around, broken up into sections doing their own thing but not really at the same time. However, Terry Richardson's studio was not only full of rambunctious testosterone, but hot as fuck. Half of them had already discarded their shirt in hopes of catching some kind of air and I couldn't blame them. Creeping up on hour three of our stay, I too shed a few layers of clothes, in a camisole and some shorts, hanging back in the shadows and admiring some of the weird shit Terry (who was also weird) had acquired through the years.

The New York takeover was in full swing.

"Want some company?" A smooth voice behind me asked, and all I could think was the color olive as I turned and smiled shyly, offering him a seat nearby.

Almost two years working for Kelly and Christian, and he still made me nervous.

I shook it off, playing absentmindedly with a stuffed monkey. I probably looked really dumb but it was helping.

"I meant to tell you, Lon', your show last night was really good." One thing I was good for was awkward small talk. He just smiled again, probably seeing right through me, before nodding appreciatively.

"That's love, baby, I'm glad you liked it."

"Your band was sick, especially that Strawberry Swing / Made In America mash up, I mean, I should be used to it but it gets better every time."

What the fuck was I even talking about? I didn't even know. But I kept going, rambling on about things that came to my head. I didn't stop until I felt body heat behind me...

"You know," he started, brushing a renegade piece of hair off my mostly bare shoulder, "sometimes, you're really transparent."

I turned around quickly, attempting to shake off the fact that he could make me go from lion to mouse in point two seconds. Standing my ground, I looked up at him, determined this time to not let that charm of his affect me as much as it usually did. I was at a constant power struggle with him, and ever since he got rid of that trifling bitch Alycia, he'd been going out of his way to make me nervous. I wasn't sure if I appreciated the attention, considering my own status.

"You know," I mocked, furrowing my brow, "sometimes, you're really annoying."

His eyebrows raised in amusement.

"I'm only annoying because I make you nervous."

Was I really that easy to read? I frowned again at the thought and his matter-of-fact voice before backing up, creating some distance away from us.

"Don't flatter yourself, Lonny." He shook his head softly, putting a hand to his chest.

"I know more about you than you know... I pay attention. I'm just being honest."

I didn't know what to say after that.

He had this way of talking in circles that did nothing but make my head hurt. For the past few minutes I'd been avoiding his gaze, but with one quick look I could see the determination on his face. His purpose for finding me through all the chaos wasn't for small talk. He wanted something...

"I've been thinking...a lot, about something I've wanted to do for a while."

He was fighting himself.