Angst stories

C

Nowadays I have been feeling so... alone. People all around me, yet I'm by myself at the same time. I can hear the chatters from my friends, the joy-filled laughter from everyone, yet they all seem so distant. As if they are so far away.

I begin questioning myself. Asking whether I am really here or not. Whether I exist. Am I invisible? Because all around me, people are talking within themselves, and I can no longer remember a time when they really included me in a conversation.

I was always the one dragged behind, while everyone else was at the front. I was never invited over for gatherings or parties, and I stayed at home, liking their posts on how much fun they had. I did try to partake in their conversations, laugh more, talk more, but they always seemed to give me a quick reply.

Sometimes, I would even catch them whispering about me. As I sat with them, they would give me constant glaces, and begin leaning over to each other, snickering.

I found it harder and harder each night to fall asleep, sometimes not sleeping at all. I would lay in bed, awake with my pillow wet, thinking about how my life crumbled to pieces.

If I disappeared, would anyone notice?

Would anyone miss me if I was away?

Would they visit me as I lay in a hospital bed?

The world around me is surrounding by people, yet I feel as if I am the only one here. Waiting. I'm waiting for someone to finally come and pull me out of this loneliness. This endless black hole is suffocating and I don't think I can hold my breath any longer.

I feel as if I have been swimming in the deep end of a pool for days, my limbs getting sore and feeling weaker and weaker every second. Black dots covering my sight, my hand reaching out for help. How long till my limbs are unable to move anymore and I go limp?

Calling out for help yet no one seems to come.

All my friends seem to be better off without me. Should I leave? Should I continue? If you were in a pool would you get out or let your fingers prune? Of course you would want to get out. So why am I having such a difficult time to do so? Is it because I'm waiting for someone to drain the pool? To make me feel that there is a reason to get out? After all, you go to a pool to get in the water, not stay out of it.

I recall the time when I asked one of my friends to hang out, only for the offer to be declined. I was fine with it, after all, they had said that they were busy. That was until I saw the post of them with their friends, hanging out and laughing.

I don't know if I can continue to stay afloat anymore. I'm so tired, I just want to stop.

So slowly... I began to sink down to the bottom...