Jim's Niece | Friday Night Dinner

17•8•18

Friday 17th August

"Oh you will love them Rosie" Jackie winks at me as two men enter. A short tanned man enters first with black hair and glasses. He quickly kicks off his shoes and starts walking to the living room before stopping in his tracks when he sees me. The other man follows, a tall pale man with light brown hair sweeped over his forehead.
"Mum!" They both scream before the first man shouts "I think we have an intruder".
"Don't be silly boys, this is Rosie, she's staying for dinner" she introduces before walking over to greet the "boys".
Unsure of what to do, I enter the living room, and take a seat on the bigger of the two sofas and smile at Martin.
"So Rosie, do you like magnets?" He quickly asks awaiting my reaction.
"Yeah, magnets are great" I reluctantly let out.
Before Martin can start telling me quite a few stories about magnets, the shorter man walks in and saves me.
"She does not want to know about your magnets dad" he says " I'm Adam by the way". He takes a seat to the right of me and we both let out a relieved breath.
"So any females?" He asks Adam.
"Dad!" He shouts, obviously embarrassed.
"Oh sorry Bambino" Martin says and I can't stop myself from laughing.
"Any males? Rosie?" Martin asks in a deadly serious tone and I can't help but break out into even more laughter.
"No" I somehow manage to stop myself from laughing as the other man enters.
"Hi dad, pusface" he says leaning on the door frame.
"I'm Jonny" he introduces himself to me and offers a hand. As I go to shake his hand, Jonny pulls it away and wipes it on his trousers.
"Sorry salt" he utters, smirk on his face.
"You bastard!" Adam screeches before walking off to the dining room.
"I'm not even going to ask" I chuckle. Jonny flops down on the sofa in the same place Adam sat, but a lot closer somehow. Our thighs were touching and my heart was racing. I literally knew nothing about this family and I was already swooning over their son.
"So, how come mum invited you round?" Jonny asks.
"To save me from my uncle" I reply "he's a nutter". Jonny lets out a laugh, sounding exactly like his mother.
"Who's your uncle?" He asks with a glint of curiosity in his eyes.
"I can't tell you that, it would ruin the surprise" I tease.
"If you don't tell me, I'll have to find other ways to get it out of you" he warns, leaning even closer to me.
"Other ways?" I remark "we met three minutes ago, at most".
"Technicalities" he tuts, another smirk spread across his face.
"It's that bleeding nutter next door" Martin states, not looking at us, still focussed on his calculator.
"Jim is your uncle?" Jonny laughs, inching away from me.
"What are you calculating Martin?" I quickly try to change the subject and hide the embarrassment from my face.
"How many breaths I took between the years 1997 and 2007" Martin hastily replies, as if he wants to end the conversation. I didn't realise someone could take calculators so... seriously?
"Don't change the subject!" Jonny shouts "Jim is your uncle?". He emphasises the word "uncle", doing a perfect impression of him.
"Shalom" I reply, lowering my head in a mock respectful gesture.
"I'm so..."
"Surprised? Sick? Sorry?" I question, trying to keep the atmosphere light.
"Sorry? Definitely!" He says before laughing again.
A booming voice shouts "dinner" through the house and I use that as my cue to escape the situation.
God, I wish I had a normal family.

Thankfully, dinner passed without any emotional trauma. Martin made a strange comment about a squirrel that made me question what I was eating, but overall it was good. Upon returning to the living room, I was sandwiched between the two Goodman boys, on their cream sofa.
"So pusface, did you ask Rosie why she was here?" Jonny teased.
"No I didn't, pissface, do tell" Adam kept the joke going and I was on the verge of going into anaphylactic shock.
"She wanted to escape her uncle..." Jonny paused for dramatic effect, which I did not appreciate "Jim" he reveals. After motioning a party popper exploding and making the sound effects, Jonny turned to see Adams face alight.
"Jim has family? And they haven't tried to euthanise him?" Adam jokes.
"Hey!" I shout before mumbling "we've tried, just haven't succeeded".
"Brilliant" Jonny remarks before leaning back into the sofa and wrapping an arm around Adam and I.
"I can tell Fridays are gonna be a lot more fun now" he says before letting out a sigh and smirking.