Pretending to be Pregnant

Ten

Anxiously I sat on my bed, awaiting the result. I had left the test in the bathroom and had not yet seen the result, but somewhere, deep down inside, I knew that I was pregnant. I smiled to myself and cradled my stomach, caressing the tiny bump. It was amazing to think that I had a new,  life growing inside of me. I smiled once more and looked down at my stomach. Suddenly, a beeping interrupted me from my daydreams. I jumped up and skipped over to my bathroom, convinced that I knew the result of the test. Did I even need to look? I mean, I already had all symptoms. What more assurance did I need? However, I knew, that if I didn't look, I could never be sure. And therefore, I had to look. I clenched my eyes shut before prising them open and peering down at the test. I couldn't believe my eyes. I couldn't believe that, after everything, this was happening.

I wasn't pregnant.

The test was negative.

I collapsed onto the floor, weeping. I had been so sure, so confident. After all that, the bump really was just fat and the flushed cheeks had been a result of my raised temperature from the sickness bug. I slammed the test into my trash can. How had I been so stupid? Shaking, I stood up and stripped off, standing there naked, before climbing into the shower. I was attempting to wash away the disappointment. I was trying to scrub away the tears and the hurt. I washed and conditioned my hair before climbing out of the shower and wrapping myself in a towel hanging on the nearby towel rail. After washing my hair, I hurried through, into the bedroom, where I carefully applied moisturiser and combed through my unruly hair.

I spent the next few hours researching, preparing for my pretend pregnancy. By the time Ryan had arrived, I had ordered a fake bump for my two, three, four and five month mark. At least I was prepared.

"Hello you." Ryan entered my bedroom, taking me by surprise. Jumping, I turned off my laptop and plastered a fake smile on my face.

"Hello, how did you get in?" I asked, running a hand through my messy hair and sighing. I looked awful, but at least I was clean.

"Your mum let me in. She had to go out again though. How are you?" He asked, concern etched all the way across his face. I shrugged.

"Better now."

"Apparently, morning sickness means the baby's healthy!" Ryan told me happily. I smiled sadly. I didn't have morning sickness, just a bug.

"How was school today?" I asked him, gesturing to him to sit beside me on the bed. He shrugged his shoulders and turned away instantly looking sheepish, he wasn't telling me something. I knew that much. "What's wrong?"

"Just, well, a couple of people were saying things." He told me, his eyes glistening with sadness.

"What kind of things?" I asked him angrily.

"You know, like just things about you not being in. They were asking me, well, they were asking me if you'd gone to get rid of the baby. That sort of thing." I rolled my eyes and hugged him.

"Don't listen to them." I told him. He nodded and pulled me into his arms gracefully. Before I knew it, his hands were moving down to my stomach and he was clutching it gently.

"Your bump's starting to grow!" He exclaimed in glee. "That's our baby. That's our baby inside there." Ryan whispered, cuddling my stomach further. Tears sprang to my eyes and I attempted to stop them. I really needed to make an attempt to stop crying. I was too emotional. I guess, at least I could naturally, blame it on the hormones.

"Mmmmm" I grunted. Ryan continued to caress my bump. Clutching at my fat lovingly, blindly believing that it was a baby bump and not a fat bump.

"So, I was thinking, we really should tell our parent's soon." Ryan told me. I opened my eyes, wide. Tell my parents? I couldn't. This lie was just growing. It was getting bigger and bigger by the minute and all of a sudden I couldn't control it. I couldn't grasp it and undo all the drama it had caused. Gradually, the lie was blinding everybody around me and it was becoming a reality.

"I'm not ready to tell my parents." I told Ryan. He looked at me,

"Esme, they're going to find out soon enough. I mean, already everybody at school knows, the teachers all know. Wouldn't you rather it was you telling them?" He asked, seriously. He did have a point.

"It just seems too soon. Look, I'm seventeen in a couple of days, we can sit them all down after my party and just tell them. Please, can we just wait until then?" I asked him, pleading. He shrugged his shoulders and nodded.

"It makes no difference to me."

"Thanks."

For a moment, we just sat there, silent and thoughtful. The silence was beginning to become awkward so I decided to fill it.

"Ryan, I'm feeling better now, do you fancy going out for dinner? I'm actually kind of hungry." He looked at me for a moment before speaking.

"Yes, that's a good idea. I'll just nip home and get changed." Ryan got off my bed, planted a kiss on my pouted lips and left my bedroom. I looked down at my scruffy beach shorts and white tank top. I really needed to get changed myself. Sighing, I got off the comfortable bed and walked into my walk in wardrobe, already with the perfect outfit in mind. I was going to wear my long, pale, pink, lacey dress, which reached the floor and without heels, trailed across it. Around my waist I would wear a belt and I would pile my long hair on top of my head so that the back of the dress was on show. I had nude heels and they matched perfectly with my dress. Finally, in my ears I would wear the real pearl earrings I had received for my sixteenth birthday, along with the pearl necklace Ryan had given me. It was the perfect outfit.

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"You look beautiful." Ryan told me, gently kissing my neck. I smiled, taking in his matching blazer and trousers along with the fresh, shirt which was unbuttoned at the top.

"You've dressed up!" I told him. He laughed.

"Well, it's your birthday in a couple of days and I wanted to take you somewhere special, because well, I have your present and it's not something I really want to do in front of everybody at the party. I just want it to be you and I." I looked at him and stroked my hand along his cheek, realising how amazing he was. Guilt instantly stabbed me in the chest as I thought this. I grabbed my mobile off the side and quickly checked for messages. I had three. Not bothering to look at them, I threw the phone into my bag. I'd check them later.

Once Ryan and I were outside, I climbed into his car and tried to avoid stabbing my heel through the bottom of the dress. The dress was expensive and I wanted it to stay practically perfect.

As I sat there in the car, I wondered where Ryan was taking me.

Actually, no, I wondered what he had got me for my birthday.