A Book of Dust and Breath

Chapter Twenty Four

Lily stepped back and admired her handiwork. The walls of the dojo gleamed with fresh light blue paint. She caught her image in the mirror. "All I need now is some students," she told her reflection. "And maybe to stop talking to myself like a crazy person," she added.

With Max gone she found herself talking aloud to no one at all more and more often. She'd never in her life had so much time alone and she wasn't loving the experience.

Her phone rang.

"Excuse me," she told the Lily in the mirror. "Apparently, some actual people want to talk to me."

She glanced at the caller ID and swiped the green button. "Hey, Dad!"

"Hey, Pumpkin. You sound happy."

Was she? That was a question for another time. "You caught me in a moment of silliness," she said.

"Not too busy, then? You have a minute."

His serious tone dampened her spirits. She perched on an upturned bucket and propped her elbows on her knees. "Sure, Dad. What's up?"

"Well," he coughed and cleared his throat. "That husband of yours doing well?"

"Yeah. Of course. He's great," she said, sending up a silent prayer that her words be true.

"He's with you now?"

She scowled. Where was he going with these questions? "He's at work," she told him.

"Ah."

Pregnant silence stretched between them.

"What's up, Dad?"

He sighed. "Well, Pumpkin. I know you said you didn't want this..."

"Dad?" She rose to her feet. "What did you do?"

"You're going to be glad for it in the end."

"Tell me what you did," she insisted.

"I hired an investigator," he admitted.

She dropped back down to the bucket. "Why would you do that?"

"You have to ask?" He sounded incredulous.

She could picture him sitting at his enormous desk surrounded by a hundred books he'd never read. Her mother would be close by, listening, chewing on her bottom lip. "I told you not to. You said you trusted my judgment!"

"I do trust you, Pumpkin, but I don't know this man and..."

"I know him," she insisted. "That should be enough for you."

"But do you? Do you really?"

His question stopped her. She remembered laughing with Delwyn about not knowing her own husband's favorite color. Those kinds of things are just facts. They don't really tell you who a person is. "I know he loves me."

"He doesn't exist, Lily."

A dark pit opened in her gut. Not surprise, exactly. She assumed an investigation would turn up something along those lines. That's why she'd been opposed in the first place. Still, suspecting a thing and hearing it confirmed are very different experiences. She sat up straight, met her own gaze in the mirror, and lifted her chin a fraction of an inch. "I know," she said.

"You know," he echoed, incredulity dripping from the words.

Lily rose to her feet again and paced to the window where she could look out at the little black squirrels chasing each other through the tree branches. "I asked you not to do this, Dad."

"There are records of him buying that house in Blissfield. He has a license and a motorcycle. That's it. He didn't come from anywhere. He could be anyone." He didn't shout. He was always calm, in control. "You need to come home, Lily."

She matched his quiet with quiet. "I am home, Dad."

A universe could have sprung up and wilted away again in the space between them, each waiting for the other to bend.

"You say you know him. You knew he didn't exist. So you know why?"

Sweat trickled down Lily's spine, forcing a shiver through her body. "Does mom know you've done this?"

"I didn't see the point in worrying her. I will come get you. I'll be there by morning. Will he try to hurt you if you try to leave?"

She clenched her teeth so hard her jaw ached. "I swear to God, if you try..."

A sigh traveled through the phone line, a gust of wind across the barren creation between them. "Lily, you think you know..."

"You listen to me. I will say this now and I will never say it again." Her voice was soft and cold and deadly. "I know Max. I know who he is and I know why he has no past and I chose to be with him. Now, I asked you to stay out of it, but you couldn't stand not having control. You had to do things your way. I swear to you right now, if you pursue this any further, if you keep investigating him, if you try to come here and take me away, I will file a restraining order against you and I will never speak to you again." Her heart slammed against her ribs in erratic rhythm as though it was being tossed about on the river of her emotions.

"If you choose this guy over your own family..."

"No, Dad. I choose this guy and my family betrayed me. Stay out of it. Do not come here. Do not investigate him."

He was quiet so long she checked the phone to see if the connection had failed. The timer ticked, counting the seconds. Finally, he said, "You know where to find me if you need me."

"I do. And when I'm ready to talk to you again, I'll call."

He hung up.

No goodbye or I love you.

Only silence.

She sank to the floor and sobbed as she hadn't since she was a child. At some point, Delwyn came in and found her like that. She held her and shushed her and muttered phrases in a language Lily didn't understand. The foreign words fell on her ears like bell-song and she drifted into a quiet peace that wasn't quite sleep nor exactly the same as waking. In that space, she could see a great web that was the reality of her existence. Each strand was connected to the others in an intricate pattern of perfection. Even the painful moments added to the beauty. Maybe especially the painful moments, for they lent a depth and complexity of form that would have otherwise been lacking.

She blinked and wiped at her face. The image faded, but the feeling of peace it cast over her remained. "I'm sorry," she told Delwyn.

Delwyn shook her head. "Never ever be sorry for your humanity, Lily. I am honored to sit with you in your grief. Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Lily shook her head.

"Then come on. You have a school to get opened."

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Max and Lily are having their struggles while they're apart. Want to see what happens when they come together again? Keep reading...

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