A Book of Dust and Breath

Chapter Seventeen

"Metit. You missed a reap this morning." Harriet's droning voice was a hive of bees inside his mind.

"I'm aware," he answered through gritted teeth. In bed with Lily, inside her, at the moment she began to cry out, he'd felt the pull of the void. For the first time in his existence he'd resisted, mentally turned away and refused to obey the call. When it tugged at him again later, while he dressed after his shower, he sighed and let the world melt away from him. Now he stood in front of Harriet with his gut tied in a knot like a twelve-year-old boy in the principal's office.

"How nice that you are aware. Are you aware that your reap was a runner?"

"Runners run, even when I'm there." If he was to be honest with himself he'd admit that hearing she'd run made him a little more glad he didn't go. If people were going to resist their final reward no one should have to force them to take it. "I'm sure a tracker will find her."

"More likely a retriever."

The shadow crawlers had gotten her. Crap. Now he did feel guilty. "Did you call me here to scold me? I'm entitled to one mistake every twenty thousand years or so, aren't I?"

"Mmmm." She pursed her lips at him and handed him a stack of pink slips. "Don't screw 'em up," she offered by way of helpful wisdom.

He was back in the bathroom, fist clenched around pink slips that were invisible to him when he was in human form. Grumbling under his breath the entire time, he brushed his teeth and headed to the bedroom for socks.

Lily was sitting up in bed, leaning against the headboard, book in hand. She gave him a tiny smile that didn't quite touch her eyes. "Let me guess. You're off to work?"

"What gave it away?" Before the shower, their plan had been to take a long tour of the county on Max's motorcycle, stopping for lunch at the Lakeside Shack for their amazing BBQ.

"You looked happy when you went in there. Now, not so much."

He sat on the edge of the bed, one leg bent under the other so he could face her. "I'd rather be with you."

"Would the world end if you just blew it off?" She traced a circle on his knee with her long fingernail.

"It might."

She stopped and studied his face. "You really mean that, don't you?"

"My work... it's not just a job."

"Are you a government agent?"

He chuckled. "I told you I'm not."

"Is that some kind of a loophole answer?" She scowled.

He traced the pretty line between her brows with his fingertip. "It is an honest answer. I am in no way, shape, or form involved with the government or the military or any of their civilian contractors."

"My mind has been going a thousand miles a minute for days. I am madly in love with you, and I feel like a fool for saying so, because I don't even know you. I desperately want to trust you. I do trust you. But I'm afraid. And then I don't." She fiddled with the corner of a sticker on the cover of her book. "Sometimes I think you must be doing some kind of fantastic work. Then I worry you'll be killed doing some dangerous thing and I'll be a widow before I even get around to telling my family that I'm married."

"I love you," he said. Pathetic words, but what else could he offer her?

She sighed. "I love you, too."

"I will come home to you."

Her wide blue eyes searched his. "Do you promise?"

"I promise to love you beyond the end of time."

She swallowed hard. "I'm going to have to accept that's all I get, aren't I?"

He leaned forward and kissed her. "I have to go. I'll try to be quick. Maybe we'll still have time for a ride before it gets dark. BBQ for dinner instead of lunch?"

She said nothing, but followed him with her eyes as he pulled on his socks tucked his wallet into his pocket.

"Be safe, Max."

"I'll do my very best." He kissed her again and headed downstairs thinking all the while that his wife's mind wasn't the only one going a thousand miles a minute.