There is a famous fable and you've probably heard it. A scorpion wants to cross a river and asks a frog if he could ride on his back. Unsurprisingly, the frog is wary.
"How do I know you won't sting me?" he asks sensibly.
"Because, dipshit," replies the scorpion, also sensibly, albeit crassly, "if I sting you, we would both drown, douche nozzle."
The frog is persuaded by this logic and he ferries the scorpion across the river. But when they are halfway there, the scorpion decides to sting the living shit out of the frog.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" exclaims the frog. "Now we'll both die, ass hat!"
"What did you expect, bitch-boy?" says the scorpion. "I'm a motherfucking scorpion!"
In pondering Aesop's fable of interspecies murder-suicide some questions leap to mind:
1. Why didn't the frog charge for giving the scorpion a ride?
2. Why are scorpions such irredeemable assholes?
3. What was on the other side of the river that was so damn important?
4. Did the Ancient Greeks really use terms like douche nozzle and ass-hat?
Where I take issue with Aesop is, first of all, the stupid name. It sounds like the sound you make when you trip and fall down the stairs. But more important it is his contention that this tragedy was preordained based on their immutable natures.
But the reality is much more unsettling. These were affirmative choices. The frog knew full well to be beware of the scorpion, but he trusted him anyway. The scorpion knew full well that stinging the frog meant his own demise as well, but he still stung the frog.
What makes this so unsettling is how easily avoidable this tragedy was. Nobody had to die. But everybody did.
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ANSWERS:
1. They stopped using money after Bitcoin crashed.
2. Because they are hatched in batch of a hundred and, consequently, do not get enough attention from their mother. (Side note: A hundred baby scorpions? Omigod! That is so gross!)
3. A reasonably priced buffet, with free refills of soft drinks and iced tea.
4. Yes. And unless you're an expert in Ancient Greek — which you're so not! — you have to take our word for it.
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