My unsent poems

In the memory of an ocean

I was the whole ocean
that tamed myself to stay still, a puddle
Though my nature demands chaos and disaster
'Come closer, touch the water'
holding myself back
And yet you still hated that hurricane hidden inside of me

Maybe that's why you left
I couldn't be tamed and you knew
You searched for a peaceful lake without
realizing I was the sea
you embraced the water but not my storms
you freed me and caged me at the same time
by liking whatever you wanted to like
And ignoring the waves that made me who I was

Maybe that's why you left
you realized you only wanted a side of me
you talked of peace and valleys
About a part of me I've never met
it wasn't me
that wasn't me
Still, I emptied my body to keep me
small
and manageable

And when you left
trying to save your life
Who you said goodbye to was
the potential I couldn't live up to
It was the puddle you shaped but overflowed
the shape you craved for that kept deforming
the person that had to kill the ocean and
become the memory of what it used to be

And who am I now? Where am I now?
I've lost track, I must have forgotten
A shape I don't recognize
A person I can't recall
A memory that's way too blurry

Why couldn't you want me all?
Why couldn't you accept the waves?

Maybe that's why you left
Maybe you saw through everything I had
The storms and hurricanes
The shapeless and the untamed
maybe you did see all of that, after all
maybe you saw that behind the fuss
I had nothing
I was nothing
Nothing but a show off
Nothing but trouble you couldn't
be bothered with

Nothing but—
see through water