twenty-three

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I put my foot outside of the car as I looked down at the black high heel. I stepped the other down beside it as I pushed myself out of the passenger seat of the baby blue car. I twisted around and looked at myself in the mirror as I straightened out my mid thigh length black dress and pulled the sleeves as far down as they would go. The skirt portion of the dress poofed out slightly and I fluffed the curls I had as I felt a hand slide itself around my wrist.

 The skirt portion of the dress poofed out slightly and I fluffed the curls I had as I felt a hand slide itself around my wrist

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I looked up at the owner of the hand to see those sad icy blue eyes staring back into my dull brown ones. He slid his hand into mine in attempt to force a smile but I pulled back rather quickly.

"No, Damon," I walked away and headed toward the cemetery where I could tell the casket was. I could see the back of Bonnie's head with Caroline soon coming into view. I stopped directly behind them as I looked at Elena's dissicated, motionless body in the casket. I pushed my hair out of my face as I chewed on the inside of my cheek.

Someone put their arm around my waist and I looked up to see Jeremy standing beside me with a loosened tie. I tightened it for him as I took his hand in my own.

"You have to look sharp, dork," I laughed a small sob as I pulled him to the front where we both would be next to her. I stared at her with this fantasy that I've always had that maybe the person in the casket would wake up. Elena now being that person there and being the one person I never thought I would see there. I felt a tear slip down my cheek as I stared at her.

"Cass?" Jeremy said gently. "Cass, you're squeezing my hand."

I let go as I watched Stefan walk up with Damon, straightening his tie and buttoning his suit coat. I looked to him as he looked to the casket taking a breath.

"Who's going to go first?"

"I think you should start it, Stefan," Caroline spoke quietly as her eyes adverted from Jeremy and me to Stefan. Stefan nodded as he ran his hands down his jacket looking at the casket in thought.

"Elena, where do I start? I'll start with when you ran into me .. coming out of the men's restroom. From that moment I knew I needed to keep you in my life and keep you safe. Afterall, you were one of the reasons I came back home to Mystic Falls. Elena, the way I saw you take care of Jeremy and Cassidy when Katherine made Jenna kill herself made me so proud of you. You have always been strong and never let things effect you and interrupt taking care of them. Elena, not only were you so caring to them but you made me into a different person. I got to know you and learn things about you that nobody else knew. That was a bond we shared and I'm broken to see it all go. I'm broken to see your two siblings carry on through their lives without you there to guide them, because we know that the older sibling means everything to the younger. We're all going to miss you, Elena, rest peacefully," he placed a small flower on her chest. I felt Jeremy kiss the top of my head and I felt his tears wet the top of my head. I frowned as just that alone broke my heart.

Caroline stepped forward and placed a picture of her, Bonnie and Elena in their cheerleading outfits jumping in the air with their pompoms on Elena's chest. Bonnie had some little pieces that looked like flower petals that she sprinkles up and down Elena, and finally it was my turn to step forward. I took a step forward with a shaky hand as I put a hand on the picture frame in Damon's hand. I looked at the picture that I had held in the house of Elena, Jeremy and me when we were younger. I placed it down between her and the casket as I backed away as I put my hands over my face.

I broke down in my hands as I started feeling myself go to the ground. Hands went around my biceps making me keep from falling to the ground. Judging by the smell of the cologne, it was Damon and he pulled me close to him. I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she was actually gone. From all the times we've almost died together as sisters, she finally got caught by a hunter. She was the first to go and it was something that I never that would happen for some reason. I never thought I would have to go through my life without my sister right beside me, and right now it looked like it was going to happen. Damon hugged me tight as he swayed us back and forth but something urged me to hit at his shoulders because the anger started taking over.

"Cassi, Cassi, please .. " he murmured

"Take her home," Jeremy muttered. "And someone stay with her please. I have something I need to do, but you know what's bound to happen next."

Something deep down told me he was talking about my nightmares that have always haunted me. It was something I was born with and I never knew why it ever happened. Damon grabbed my fists and looked into my water filled eyes.

xXxXx

I was aware of my surroundings but I couldn't move and all I could see was my sister repeatedly dying. There was a force keeping me from running to her and keeping me away. The harder I tried, the farther she somehow got away from me.

"Elena! ELENA!" I sobbed out frustratingly as I hit my fists against the invisible force. I pulled at my own hair as I realized that I needed to wake up. I screamed at myself through clenched teeth to wake up and I could feel a force moving me. I turned away from the scene of Elena but everywhere I turned it appeared again. I screamed as I bent over with my head in between my knees. I needed to get away from this. I needed out of this dream state.

"Cassi! Cassidy!"

I stayed bent over into my knees as I let out a loud scream before there seemed to be a weight lifted. I took in a sharp breath as I snapped my eyes open to see Damon hovering his face over me. I felt a bead of sweat roll down my face as he brought me close to him.

"Don't ever do that again," he said through clenched teeth. I let out a shaky breath as I felt my emotions breakdown again. I'm so tired of this crying. I'm tired of it hurting. I'm tired of this constant heartache.

"I can't do this. I can't deal with all of these emotions!" I cried as I took in a shaky, raspy breath. I gripped onto his leather jacket as I felt him tense slightly at my crying.

"We're going to get through it," he whispered into my ear.

"Or she could get out of it the easy way. Maybe even stop the dreams."

That voice sounded all too familiar and I knew exactly who it was. I lifted my head up from Damon's chest and looked to see Hanna standing behind the couch we were on. I tilted my head curiously waiting for her to continue.

"She could turn it off," she smiled sadistically.

"No, you know that's dangerous, Hanna, especially for a newbie like her."

"Oh but, Cassidy, it makes life so much easier. You won't feel all this hurt and the heartache. It will make life easier if you do it. You'll go through everything without all of these emotions. You won't be crying all the time," she edged on and on about how turning something off would help me. I knew what she was talking about because I've been through Stefan doing it. It's when he let the Ripper get the best of him.

"The switch? If I turn it off .. "

" .. You won't cry. You won't have this chest full of this weight. The dreams will go away. Those dreams won't haunt you. Just turn it off, Cassidy."

"Cassi, don't listen to her."

"The dreams .. will be gone .. "

"Turn it off," Hanna whispered as Damon kept trying to shake my shoulder.  I looked into Hanna's eyes before I suddenly felt this heavy weight being lifted off of me.

xXxXx xXxXx

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