What is Love?

Prologue

When I was 3 my family all died in a car accident. My parents and my two older brothers were traveling home from one of the twins' soccer games. No one really knows what happened, but it seems that my father swerved right into a lane of oncoming traffic and neither car stopped in time and the other car hit theirs head on. Then another car hit the back side of the car my family was in. My parents both died on impact of the first car. My brothers were in critical condition when they were admitted to the hospital and then died hours later from their injuries.

I was at home with a baby sitter, Kimmy, sleeping. When the hospital called home she answered and quickly packed things up to take me to the hospital. When we got their Child Services was there and quickly wanted to talk to her. They explained to her and to me even though I didn't understand that since I had no other family they had no choice but to enter me into the fostercare system. They went on and on about how that had this wonderful fostercare family that was perfect and wonderful and amazing.

The next day Kimmy drove me to my new "home." Mr. and Mrs. Spencer were nice and I lived with them until I was 10 years old. They claimed they could only take care of younger children. From then on I only lasted in foster homes for 2-3 years. I lived in 3 more after that one. They always claimed that I was too old for them to deal with. I always knew that couldn't be the reason because I never gave them anything to deal with. I kept to myself, went to school and studied, went to dance, came home, ate and went to bed to do it all over again.

Now we can flash forward to when I was 20. I'd spent most of my life from The Accident until I was 18 in the fostercare system. Once I was 18 I left and never looked back.

I decided to attend college at the University of South Carolina with a double major in Dance and Physical Therapy. It's something I'd always had a passion for and was pretty good at too. I knew it meant far more years of schooling but it was exactly what I wanted. The one good thing that came out of The Accident was that I inherited all the money my parents had. Seeing as my father was an engineer and my mother a neuroscientist it was enough for me to live on for a long time while living my dream.

But I'm sure that none of this is what makes you so interested in my life. That's pretty normal. Plenty of kids parents die when they're young. Many young kids are placed in foster care. Most kids are passionate about something. Most kids attend college. Many kids major in Dance or major in Physical Therapy or even double major in somethings. Sure few kids double major in both, but it still counts as normal. But it's what is not normal that really interests you.

What interests you is my experience with Love. And it's that absence of Love that makes you most interested of all. I have never been in Love, never Loved anyone, never had anyone Love me.

You'll notice my use of the capital letter L whenever you see Love. Well that because for me it's like the ultimate figurative word. I've never known Love, it's just some abstract thing that I've seen others possess. It's just my way of dealing with this thing I've never felt. If you were "like me" you would understand. But since you're not like me, it's up to me to try and explain it the best I can. The capitalization is like when other people put "air quotes" around something that they don't understand. But I do understand Love, I just can't reach it. I'm sure you're skeptical. "Everyone Loves someone or is Loved by someone else" That's what you'll say, I guarantee it. The closest I've ever come to Love was my first kiss, and that was with some drunk out of his mind guy who never knew my name, or saw my face, or probably even remembers that it happened. I guess you could say that I have absolutely no luck when it comes to even remotely finding Love.

It's up to me to make you understand what I'm dealing with. And I guess it's only right that I tell you my story up to this point. To tell you my story of why I don't believe in Love, and how I've watched everyone else I know Love someone, someone that is never me. And maybe after you hear my story you'll finally understand. And I'm sure you're all thinking that in the end I do find Love. I don't want to say that you're wrong, but based on my past... you are. So I guess we'll just take this little journey together and then I'll let you decide for yourself.

AUTHOR'S NOTE...

I'm really excited to be writing this story and can't wait to hear what you all think of it. Also I already wrote this story but I've changed some plot lines and just editing on what I've already written. Any people, places, events are fictionl so any relation to anything past, present, or future is unintentional.