Wrong Impressions

Memories

Shadow:

                  The first impressions were forgotten and new ones were reborn. Deep down I still wish that the first impressions I got of her could be real because they were so much better than the impressions I have of her now. 

    It has been a year now and Sonic never came back. I deeply feel sorry and guilty for never really apologizing and because at that time I couldn't do anything to prevent him from disappearing. Between the team, we never really talked about it. We never mention the words 'death' and 'Sonic' in the same sentence. I will never forget the pain I inflicted into his team and especially to Amy. 

   I hated to admit that indeed I was jealous. Even after he disappeared, she never stopped thinking about him. I am aware I was being selfish and as I recalled we already had this conversation once. Between the lines of "he is like family to me" and "I don't feel like that anymore" had been said a couple of times already. 

   And it's was absurd of me to think like that. However, deep down I knew that she was lying. It was one of those times where only other people could see the truth but yourself.  I hated to be the only one to know this truth because the more I paid attention to it, the more I feel like I got the wrong impression of Amy Rose. 

 And then he appeared again. 

Smaller than normal, he reeked of his insecurities coming from another distant world where Eggman conquered it all. How incompetent must he be to let that happen? If I was there for sure that would have never been a problem but it still makes me wonder about the possibility of myself not be able to save him again like I was supposed to do. Like a good friend is supposed to do. 

I don't know what pains me the most, seeing the exact image of a dear friend of mine who passed away or the constant reminder that I couldn't save him. 

That's why I disliked this Sonic. He wasn't like our Sonic and never will be... and honestly, I hope that the team is aware of this fact as well. 

"Are you ready Shadow?" 

"Yes"

    No, I wasn't. No one could ever really be prepared enough to go to a strange parallel dimension. However, in order to bring a bit of comfort to my pink hedgehog, I guess a white lie wouldn't hurt her. 

   I would never want to hurt her. She says that what I feel for her is not real, that I might be confused. Before I would have clearly denied her words immediately. However, now is different. The more and more I see sides of Amy, the more I wonder I truly love her. Love is so complicated and I really wish there was a sign telling me that I am right. I really don't want to be wrong, because just as I wonder, I realize... and I realized that loving her is one of my pleasures in life. 

"Then let's go"

        And Amy smiled. It was one of the few times I actually got to see it. This was the moments that I really appreciated before Amy would smile all the time. There was a different kind of smiles, and I liked all of them indeed. I guess I took for granted what I had before and now I would give up anything to have that back. 

    I got closer to Amy as we were both waiting inside of Tails' workshop. I had always been blunt and able to speak my mind. 

"Amy, I know you have high hopes to find Sonic but I just want you to keep an open mind to whatever we may encounter"

             I look into her eyes and stared at them for a while. I could see the glow in her eyes disappeared little by little as I remembered her of our reality. Apparently these days the only thing I could do was to make Amy feel sad. 

"I know finding Sonic may not be possible but... I feel positive about this! It's been one year of just not knowing what to feel. A part of me wants to keep believing that Sonic is alive but another part of me just wants to accept the fact that he is no longer with us....", Amy had been looking up at the floor the whole time, I knew that talking about Sonic was a delicate subject. 

"Amy... if Sonic is indeed alive, which believe me, I truly want him to...what will happen later?"

"We all come back home of course! And live how we used to"

"I mean, what will happen to us?"

           I dare to ask again. I know it was selfish for me to ask such things in such a manner of time. However, I couldn't bring myself not to do so. It was a year and Amy showed no signs to move on, I was desperate to think that maybe we could have a chance. Although I didn't have the right too. I remember telling Sonic that I wasn't going to disturb on his relationship with Amy. That day on the cliff, when he asked me that if it was alright for him to go after her after all Amy and I had been through. I was stupid enough to say 'yes, I don't care', and even insisting on this made me feel guilty to the gut. I still ask myself why do I do it? Have I forgotten all of my morals? But once again, was it wrong for me to look for happiness? The more and more time it passed, I really wanted to convince myself that I didn't love her. I wanted to get over her, so I could keep that promise to the only friend that I had.

"Shadow I have already told you that at this time I am really don't know" 

    Amy changed her expression into a complicated one but I wasn't backing away.

"Just like you had a year of not knowing how to feel, I had it the same. I don't know if to keep loving you or to just to let you go...  Amy I can't just keep living like this... it pains me too" 

"It pains you? Shadow you don't love me, you don't. You don't even remember what we went through together. You don't know what it feels to love someone just to find out it's a farce! You just think you love me, but you don't! You can't love someone just out of a sudden!" 

       She had a good logic, I couldn't argue with that but she underestimated my pain and I had no words in my mouth.

"Even if I don't remember what happened, does it matter? I was with you for a year! The past doesn't matter, what matters is now!"

"But it does matter to me!"

     I didn't like the past. I didn't want to remember it nor didn't want to deal with anything from it. My past was my darkest secret and for Amy to be so attached to it... I didn't even know at this point if Amy was right for me.

     Is it wrong to love like this? Feeling so strongly for someone I don't have an exact memory of? This is what my heart is feeling and even so, her logic is un-defying and my impressions were wrong.