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"This isn't going to make a lot of sense to you in the beginning, and I'm sorry about that."
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*Mentions of drugs, abuse, murder, alcohol, addiction, and suicide. Please be aware*
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A part of me believes that ignorance is what contributed to Felix's way of thinking, his excruciatingly annoying temperament that took over more times than not.
I don't think a lot of people ever actually consider what they have and how they should treat it. There's a certain level of ignorance, a certain level of "Oh, this person/object knows I appreciate them so why should I have to tell them?" and that genuinely fucks a person up if they already own bad self-esteem. A part of me believes that ignorance is what contributed to Felix's way of thinking, his excruciatingly annoying temperament that took over more times than not.
My memory of Papaw Felix is fuzzy, but Hyunjin always described him in a way that said Felix gave nothing but absolute tough love, even if it was a bit tougher than it was love.
After reading some of the medical reports I found in the drawers of my dad's desk, I realized that papaw had this... twisted morality in his head, if he even had any, to begin with. He was compulsive, bipolar, obsessive, and relied far too heavily on his wife at the time. Everything just seemed so.... Pointless after reading everything I had to. I sometimes wondered if his immorality dripped down into my dad, but I think it was just enough for it to be proven but debunked all the same.
Dad didn't particularly enjoy talking about papaw, but the older I got and the more experience I endured, the more open dad was when it came down to the things Papaw did. I remember specifically being on a camping trip with dad and hanging out in the hammock opposite of my brother when I was met with the cruel, cruel feeling of some sort of... betrayal. I knew deep down, Papaw wasn't the best person around, but I hadn't ever really been expecting the stories that were told.
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"I try not to talk about it too much, you know?"
"About what? With your dad?"
"Of course."
A shift in the house happened long, long ago after Minho passed, but after Jisung's passing, everything just seemed to get progressively worse. Though the stubbornness of everyone in the house never seemed to change and that's really what played such a big role in the downfall of Lee Felix. His stubborn, heated temperament got him in trouble throughout school and with his mother until she left, and more times than not his younger siblings just left him alone. If Felix were honest, growing up he really did miss Seungmin and Woojin, despite how absolutely hateful he was towards them, and he wished he could have properly apologized to rebuild those relationships he lost after his twin died.
But Felix was as stubborn as a bull, and the only thing he could ever work for was getting out of that damn house and into the military.
"But why, dad? Shouldn't you talk about it to get closure?"
