Another Zombie Book?

The Beginning: A Tale of Two Rednecks

"Mother fuck!" Hubert Herv yelled out as he missed his shot. A raccoon scurried away as he reloaded his rifle. "Miss it?" Hubert's good friend Xavier asked him. "Yeah" Hubert replied bummed out. "There's some squirrels over there" Xavier told him smoking his cigarette. Hubert raised the rifle to his eye and slowly breathed locking in on the target. He pulled the trigger and sent a bullet into the squirrel, "Hahaha yes!" they both cheered out like it was the best thing ever. Another squirrel quickly scurried to a tree and started to climb. Without thinking Xavier lifting his rifle up and shot. The bullet zoomed past the squirrel and made a splatter sound. Hubert laughed then looked over to Xavier to see him drop his cigarette. "Shit man, what?" Hubert asked him. "Something just fell over, I think I hit someone!" he exclaimed taking off into the forest. Hubert laughed and chased after Xavier. By this time of the day they were already stoned out of their minds.

"Did you hit 'em?" Hubert asked Xavier who was leaning over the body. "Ahaha, yeah right in the arm. I think he passed out". They scanned the man over and saw that he had a bite mark on his ankle. "This guy got wild last night" Xavier told Hubert. They both burst out laughing and Hubert even fell over. The man on the ground twitched and opened his eyes, they were completely white. "Holy shit!" Xavier shouted. "What?" Hubert asked sitting up. Xavier burst out laughing and pointed to the mans eyes, "He's still high!!" "Hahahahaha" the two friends cried and laughed more. They then helped the man up and started to help him walk over to their house. They were deep in the woods, their cabin/house was only a mile away. The man nipped at Hubert but missed. Both guys started laughing again and held his arms down as they walked him to their place. "Where do you come from?" Xavier asked the man laughing silently to Hubert. "Uhhhagh" the man moaned. That made both men laugh some more. "Who the fuck is that?!" the old man Weiser asked them as they passed his trailer. "Hello old man Weiser" Hubert greeted him as they passed by. "Just a random" Xavier told Weiser. "Well keep him the fuck away from me" the old man told them slumping back into his lawn chair as he sat there in his pink boxers and wife beater shirt. Hubert and Xavier nodded and continued to walk. "Can you walk by yourself?" Hubert asked the random man. They let him go and he flopped to the ground groaning. "Don't worry bro, it shouldn't last much longer haha" Hubert told him getting him up. "What's your name?" Xavier asked. "Ughhh" the man groaned. Hubert laughed, "Well Ugh, where do you even live?" he asked. The fact that they were still asking it questions even though the answer was clearly "Ughhh" tells you how much out of it they are.

They made it home after walking an hour in the wrong direction. They let go of the man and walked to their house. "Where's the uhh-" "Med kit?" Xavier said trying to help Hubert out. "Uh no, weed... where's the weed?" "Oh haha dude, in here of course" "Right hahaha" Hubert replied with tears in his eyes from laughter. Xavier walked inside and forgot about Hubert and Ugh. "So?" Hubert asked the man. "Remember anything?" the man struggled to his feet and started stumbling toward him. "Let me help" Hubert told him walking over. Ugh went to lunge toward Hubert but was quickly knocked out by a falling tree branch. "Oh shit..." Hubert cried out. "Ahahaha!" he laughed like crazy. "What heh?" Xavier asked walking outside. Hubert could only point. Both of them laughed and laughed. They walked over to Ugh and tried to help him up. "Uh oh.." Xavier said becoming completely sober. "What?" Hubert asked him still feeling good. "He's dead" Xavier told Hubert. Hubert looked at the man on the ground then back up at Xavier. "No shit" Hubert said still out of it. He walked inside and passed out on the couch.

Hubert blinked a couple times then sat up on the couch. Xavier was sitting in a chair across the room nervously tapping his fingers. "Should we hide the body?" he asked Hubert. "Um no, it wasn't our fault he died. We should just tell the cops what happened" Hubert replied. "Oh well I already dug a hole--" "Dafuck?!!" Xavier's brother Wallis barged in the cabin and looked directly at Xavier. "What the fuck is that thing doing by the front porch?" Wallis asked. "Well that guy died so I dug a hole--" "That is no man, that thing was dead to begin with, drop it off in the forest or something" Wallis told Xavier. Hubert stood up and walked over to the window. He peered outside and saw two people hobbling over to their place. "There's more drunks" Hubert said trying not to laugh because he knew it wasn't a good moment. "For the last time, those aren't people!" Wallis yelled at Hubert. He grabbed onto the rifle leaning by the front door and walked outside quickly shooting the things outside. "Zombies!!" Wallis yelled at them from outside. "Zombies!?" Hubert and Xavier shouted. They looked at each other then nodded their heads. "Makes total sense now!" Xavier said laughing. "Oh shit, this could be fun!" Hubert said looking out the window. Wallis barged back in and dropped his rifle back down. "Get the med kit" he told Xavier. Quickly Xavier went over to the bathroom and looked inside. "What happened?" Hubert asked him. "Fuckers bit my hand" he replied lifting up his left and showing the teeth marks and blood.