Relapse

| 32 | Just Fine |

 It felt good to get out of Estero and have fun with just Liam and I that Saturday. We spent nearly all day around town seeing the sights and he managed to find the best places to eat for brunch and dinner before we headed back in for the night.

It was nice to forget about what had happened, to know that I was leaving it all in the past and it was much easier to try to get it out of my mind when I was 12 hours away in another state with nothing there to remind me of him.

"Did you have a good birthday?" Liam asked as I brushed my hair out in the bathroom mirror after we'd gotten back to the hotel.

"Yeah," I smiled, "Thank you for the surprise, it was perfect and I feel so much better."

"Well, it was partially my mom's idea, so I can't take all the credit," he smiled, kissing my cheek as he wrapped his arms around my torso and pulled me in.

"Did she make it to Michigan alright?" I asked as he rested his chin on my shoulder.

"Yeah, she made it there at around noon, she said the furniture was supposed to get delivered at five," he replied, "So everything will be set up and ready when we get there tomorrow night. Just trying to make everything as easy as possible," he said, kissing my cheek again.

"What about you?" I asked, turning around and draping my arms around his neck, "What about Estero and the team and your career?" I asked.

"I'll figure it out after Christmas, don't worry," he replied, kissing me softly on the lips.

"You've spent the last three weeks worrying about me, I get to worry about you too now," I replied as he rested his forehead against mine.

"No worrying for anyone this weekend until we get to Michigan, okay?" he grinned, kissing me softly.

"If you won't, I won't," I smiled, kissing him in return.

A few sweet, soft kisses escalated into not being able to keep our hands off each other and our lips off of each other's as we stumbled from the bathroom into the room up against the wall with his hands traveling up under my shirt.

I was okay with it, I wanted him all over me and I wanted to have sex with him. We made it to the bed and he carefully laid me down on the bed before pulling my shirt over my head and tossing it aside.

It wasn't until he went to unbutton my shorts and slip them off of my body that I started to have flashbacks of being in Sebastian's kitchen that night.

"Stop," I choked, barely able to catch my breath, "I can't, I, I want to but I can't," I choked, my chest heaving up and down as I tried to catch my breath and I started to cry.

"Hey, no tears," he said, sitting down next to where I was laying down, "Come on, sit up and it'll be easier to breathe," he remarked, his hand on my shoulder as he helped me up.

"God, I'm sorry," I sighed, running my hand through my hair.

"It was only three weeks ago Liv, I understand," he said, gently rubbing my back.

"I want you, Liam," I remarked quietly, "I want you so bad but I, I just can't."

"We'll figure it out," he said, still gently rubbing my back, "This time and the time in Florida, it was me taking your pants off that made you start having the flashbacks."

"Yeah," I replied as he took my hand in his.

"Why don't you take your own shorts off," he said, kissing me softly on the cheek, "Only if you want to," he added.

"I want to," I replied, kissing him on the lips before unbuttoning my own shorts and kicking them off of my body.

I was okay after that as our lips moved together and his hand got tangled in my hair. He gently pulled me onto his lap as he sat up against the headboard and I felt fine, I was more than okay as I pulled his shirt off and unhooked my bra.

"You good?" he asked, his forehead pressed against mine.

"More than good," I breathed, trying to catch my breath as his lips trailed from the crook of my neck down to my collarbone and to my chest.

"You're sure?" he asked.

"Positive," I replied, kissing him on the lips.

###

We went out to breakfast the next morning before heading back on the road. It was only 7 hours and it was a whole lot better than the drive that turned into 13 hours on Friday.

"Are we going to talk about it?" he remarked after we'd been on the road for half an hour.

"About what?" I asked.

"Last night, us having sex," he replied, "You're good?"

"I'm good," I replied, "After I got my bearings again and didn't have someone else trying to take off my pants, I was okay. It was like I needed to know that I was in control and it was my choice and I had to convince the rest of me that I wanted it, you know?"

"It makes sense," he replied.

"Can we not talk about it in front of anyone?" I asked, a little bit embarrassed as soon as the words left my mouth.

"Of course not, if you don't want to talk about it, I won't," he replied, "Why?"

"Because I don't want anyone judging me," I replied, "It wasn't even a month ago and I was okay to have sex again, everyone will just have an opinion of when I should be ready and it's not their business."

"You're right, it's nobody's issue but your own and nobody else gets an opinion," he agreed, "Have you talked to Amy?"

"No," I replied quietly.

"I think you should Liv," he remarked.

"I don't want to put her in the middle of it all, she's already dealing with a PR nightmare," I replied, "Maybe I'll call her over Christmas break while she's off work."

"She's your friend Liv," he replied, "I think she would want to hear about it, I'm sure she knows that it's not what Sebastian is making it out to be."

"I just don't want to have to tell another person," I sighed, "It exhausts me, mentally and physically Liam."

"I get it," he said, "But I don't want you to just cut her off or anything unless she's a bitch, which I don't think will happen."

"Yeah," I sighed.

"Hey," he said, "No frowning, only smiling, it's still your birthday weekend."

"I'll try," I replied, a smile creeping onto my face.

We finally got to our new apartment at 9:30 that night and I had passed out long before we got into Michigan and Liam ended up having to wake me up when we got there because he said he wanted me to be awake to see the apartment.

"It's amazing," I yawned as we walked through the living room.

"See, I do have good taste sometimes," he grinned.

"I love it already," I smiled as he hugged me tightly, "I really do just want to go to bed."

"I know," he laughed, "Let's go to bed, we have a long day of unpacking tomorrow."

"You don't have to tell me twice," I remarked, my head resting on his chest.

"Come on," he laughed, bending over and picking me up in his arms, "We're going to bed."

"You're the best," I smiled as he walked through the apartment and into the bedroom.

"I know," he smiled, kissing my cheek as he set me down, "Liv?" he remarked a few minutes later after he came back in the room from the living room where he grabbed one of our bags.

"Yeah?" I replied, half asleep sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Don't wait for me, just go to bed," he laughed, "I won't be offended."

"Goodnight then," I yawned, curling up under the covers as he dug through his bag for a change of clothes.

I was nearly all the way asleep when he crawled in next to me and pulled me in close.

"We're going to be just fine," he sighed, "I know it," he added, kissing my forehead before pulling the blankets over both of our bodies.

###

***