“You love me, right?” I look into his brown eyes.. He sighs “honestly ..” He pauses “no.” My heart sinks. Tears begin to flow. I try to catch my breath, I inhale and exhale rapidly. I look back at him “but Why?!” I’m saying confused. He looks into my eyes “Well.. I .. umm .. “ He stutters. “Say it!” I yell, now crying even more. “Ugh fine, I’m fucking embarrassed to be with you! I cant love a girl with scars okay? They’re ugly. I’m done!” He runs out the door, slamming it behind him. I sit emotionless, staring at the wall. How could I let this happen? I knew it would. I saw it coming. I always tell myself “Don’t give in. don’t give in, don’t give in.” but I do. I always do. I run to my room open my bottom drawer, move around my clothing. I find my brand new sharp blade. I spend the next three hours slicing my skin, hoping to hit a vein. Just one I told myself … one turned into five, five turned into ten, ten turned into twenty. I cut more and more until I am numb. There is blood all over my floor. I get dizzy, so I start walking over to my bed but all of a sudden everything just blurs out.
What feels like hours later, I wake up in the hospital. I look around and I see the TV on and sitting on the couch is my best friend Blake. “B-Blake? What happened?” He sees that I’m awake so he turns off the TV... “Well… I came to your house like three days ago and you were surrounded with blood and you were lying on the ground.. so I called 911” I stare back at him then I watch him look at my wrist. I look at my wrist and I can’t remember doing any of it. “What happened, Kit Kat?” I try to remember but I can’t. I shake my head. “ I have no idea..” I began to cry. Why me? Why did I have to be born…? Next I hear a knock at my door. My nurse walks in. “Hello Katherine. My name is Shelly” She smiles and walks over to my bed. “Now honey, Do you know why you are here?” I try to remember once again what happened three nights ago.. Did I seriously lose that much blood…? “N-not really…” She just sits there and stares. What kind of nurse does that..? She eventually sighs and then chokes up whatever words were deep down in her throat. “ You nicked a vein, you didn’t do enough damage to kill yourself but you lost enough blood to go into a coma. If Blake hadn’t found you, you would be dead. You should be very grateful that you lived.” She smiles then looks down at my records of vaccinations. I stare at Blake and raise my eyebrow. How long has she worked with teenagers who have tried to kill themselves..? does she not realize the being alive isn’t something we are grateful of..? Blake smiles at me and gives me a friendly squeeze of my hand. I want to reach out to him.. Hug him and tell him how much I love him. But I know I can’t.
The nurse walks out. Blake immediately looks at me. “ Did you mean to do it Kat..?” I stare at him, He can’t think that I’d leave him alone in this world..? Right? “ N-no I was only going to cut a little. But you know one turns to 20.. I’m so sorry.” I begin to cry, I turn so he can’t see the tears burning in my eyes. He must hear my breath speeding up, the signs of another panic attack. “hey, baby please don’t cry…”Blake says to me, when I turn to look at him he looks concerned. He wipes away my tears. I smile and decide to change the subject. “So… How are you and McKenzie…?” His smile disappeared. “Oh, God she’s just a bitch.. I’ll probably break up with her tomorrow because I’m so done with her.” I feel a pang of happiness hit me, so I try my best to hide it. “Oh. I’m sorry Blakey. Bitch didn’t deserve you anyways.” he sighs “ Yea, but something has to be done you know..?” I mentally slap myself for being happy about all of this. Blake must see it on my face because the next thing he says is “What’s Wrong..? I pause. Think about an excuse, then it comes right not of me.. My stomach growls so loud, I’m pretty sure the whole hospital heard it. Me and Blake burst out laughing. He walks to the table, grabs his keys and says “ I know just what you need. I’ll be right back.” he smiles and closes the room’s door. I grab my purse and take out my Ipod. I turn on Pierce The veil, turn the volume all the way up and drown out the world.
