Sooo, the other day, you, er, disappeared...
Yes.
...into thin air...
Air not thin. (mutters under breath) Reminds me of some peoples.
Air not thin???? (pinches nose and squeezes eyes) Never mind. So air would be...by your logic, that is... (bows to cat. Cat regally acknowledges homage) ...thick!
Not thick, not thin.
So air is... errr... (makes a whisking motion) malleable?
Something like that.
Something like that? Very interesting. No doubt you are familiar with string theory.
Oh yes, I like string teary, very fun game (mimes batting at a dangling string)
(triumphant) Hah!
Why 'hah!'?
(smugly) Oh..., no reason (crosses arms and attempts to look superior)
I not know you know universe made of tiny shaking string, you smarter than you look.
Actually... (looks sad) I don't...understand, that is.
String teary easy. Like vylin (mimes violin peg being turned and string being tuned) you puck hard (demonstrates) you get this note (mimes loosening peg, plucking string) you loose here, then puck soft... see? Easy.
I see. What else can you do then, besides play the violin.
Can do anything. (begins to wash his right ear)
...
...
Riiiiight.
I right all right (completes ear and scrutinises a paw).
...
...
Well?
Well what? You pretty boring sometime you know, always repeat. (moves attention to left ear)
Weeell... (biting down hard on growing annoyance) what other tricks do you have up your... errr....wherever it is you cats keep them. (speaking quickly to stop interruptions)Tricks, I mean - before you ask.
Trix? I not perfalling cat.
(puzzling it out, lips moving slowly and deliberately) You're not a per...FORMing cat... don't tell me (holds 'stop' hand out at cat to forestall any comment) ...let me guess, you said something similar to C.S. Lewis once.
Who Louise?
Forget it! Forget I mentioned him.
Her!
What? Whatever. Just humour me for a moment.
All the time.
(growls and glares) Do something for me, a trick.
(Cat farts, then begins to energetically lick right shoulder)
Oh (furious now) that takes the cake. How... charming, how... how suave, how very sophisticated...
I do on purpose.
Reeeeally? I never would have guessed. Scatological humour at its best.
No, not that one. E!
Ee? What's that supposed to mean?
Add 'e' to other word.
Which word?
(cat farts again)
(livid now but speaks in cold, measured tone)
I can see that there is no sense to be had from you, today. (leaves in his best - dignity affronted - huff).
(Alone, cat sighs loudly, inspects a paw sadly, sighs again. Shrugging, he then stands on hind legs. He stretches luxuriously, then slowly moonwalks left while muttering - 'taught Michael that. Michael made a good cat.')
