Hurt (Kellic) ON HOLD

Grabbed

I'm not even a whisper in your thoughts yet you're screaming in mine

During lunch I sat with Vic. Daniel never sits with me so I didn't think that it would be a huge deal. We talked about nothing yet everything and I enjoyed having someone sit with me at lunch.

Currently it is after school and I'm getting ready to leave when I get interrupted by someone's hands sneaking around my waist. I jump slightly at the contact, spinning around only to be met with Daniel.

"Hey." I say timidly, trying to look him in the face despite how angry he looks.

"Who were you with at lunch?" He asks harshly and I squirm under his harsh stare.

"His name is Vic, he's new."

He takes a step towards me, and I step backwards, running into the lockers. I close my eyes in fear of being hit.

I wait.

After a few seconds I open them only to see Daniel looking more angry than before and I curse myself for overreacting.

"Let's get you home." He whispers harshly, grabbing my wrist so tight that I fear it might bruise.

Fuck, why would I be so stupid. He would never hurt me without good reason, and now I've broken his trust.  I should have trusted him, this is all my fault.

I wince, breaking out of my thoughts as his grip on my wrist tightens. We are halfway to my house and he hasn't spoken a word.

When we arrive his grip releases and I stumble to pull my keys out of my pocket to open the door. As I twist the key in the door the dull pain in my wrist spikes and I bite my lip to hold in a whimper of pain.

Once inside Daniel pushes the door shut and shoves me against the wall. My head thumps against the wall but I don't have much time to dwell on it as he harshly places his mouth against mine. I kiss back, relaxing because I love Daniel, and I love kissing Daniel.

He pulls back after a while leaving us both panting for air. I smile looking up at him only to be met with him frowning.

"I'm still mad Kellin."

"I know, and I'm so sorry." I rush out, I feel awful for making him mad and can't believe I acted so stupidly. "I shouldn't have done that, I trust you."

"Good." He says simply, placing his hands on either side of my head against the wall.

It takes everything in me not to flinch, and I look at him again with a weak smile.

My phone beeps in my back pocket and as I reach for it Daniel slaps my hand away from it.

"We are hanging out, what are you checking your phone for?" He says, clenching his jaw looking down at me.

"I'm sorry." I say cowering slightly with him looming over me.

He shoves me back against the wall and I stand there, taking it.

I deserve it, I shouldn't have made him mad. It's my fault, he is doing what's best for me.

"Don't be sorry, just be better." He says, turning and walking out my door.

As soon as he leaves I break into tears, sliding down the wall into a sitting position. I'm so stupid, I need to be a better boyfriend for him.

I pull out my phone to check the notification and see a bruise forming where he pressed his fingers in the hardest on my wrist. I frown at it but chose to ignore it as I can't do anything about it now.

I turn on my phone and see it's a message from an unknown number. I click on the notification to read it.

'Hey Kellin, it's Vic. I just wanted to thank you for making my first day suck a whole lot less than it could have.'

I smile at the message, I forgot I gave Vic my number earlier. I type back a message.

'It's no biggie, I enjoyed hanging out with you.'

My phone buzzes again, but it's not Vic, it's from my remind app with a notification titled 'take binder off'.

I sigh thinking about how awful it will be to have to take it off but it's already been 8 hours and I can't keep it on anymore. So I might as well shower and get it over with.

I get into the bathroom and turn all the lights off so it's pitch black. I hated doing this but if I saw my naked body I would cry so I just avoid it in general.

I get all my clothes off, focusing on anything other than the female parts that I shouldn't have.

I sing to try and distract myself but a minute in I go to clean my chest and the feeling of breasts makes my heart sink. Tears begin to fall mixing with the water and I hurry up and get out wanting nothing more than to just chop them off my chest.

I dry off, refusing to look down and slip into pyjamas. I lie in bed crying as I can't put my binder back on and knowing what is under my shirt is enough to push waves of dysphoria into my head.

I plug earbuds in blasting music, praying it could keep the thoughts out as I close my eyes and try to sleep.