Actually, I Hate You

Dear Crush,

The idea for this letter actually came from an encounter that we had. We were bickering, once again, when you dropped the bombshell.

"Do you like me?" you asked.

To which I responded with, "Actually, I hate you."

I'm sure that you're plenty confused. As I'm sure many people are when they suspect that someone has a crush on them. I know I always am.

But to be completely honest, I do like you. I want to shout out into the infinite void about my crush for you. Whenever you walk into a room, it's like lightning zaps my stomach. Just the thought of you, practically injects me with endorphins, if that's even possible (it's not).

If you're worrying that this is going to be incredibly sappy, it's not. After all, I hate you.

So think about this: you have had a crush on someone for a long time. You've seen them fail, you've seen them laugh. You've watched all of this from the sidelines. Maybe, like me, you demanded in your head, "I just want a relationship with them. ANY relationship!"

A little later, maybe you did establish a relationship with them. Although it's not the one that you originally thought of, you're thankful nonetheless.

Imagine that the relationship that you have with this person was one of constant bickering. Always arguing about even the littlelest of things. You want to get closer to them. You don't want to fight anymore, but you're always thinking in your head, "It's better than what I had before."

Now stop imagining. STOP! Now let me open my heart to you, what I just told you to imagine is what's happening to me right now. And let me tell you, our bickering isn't better than what I had before.

The crush that I have on you causes me actual pain (if you think that sounds worrying is because it is). I like you so much that I wish that I never met you. I like you so much that I can say "I hate you" and actually mean it.

What makes it worse is that I know that you don't and won't like me. Our relationship is so dilapidated that it'll take a miracle for you to like me back. I won't be able to gaze into those beautiful blue eyes and say "I like you too." And maybe that thought doesn't bother you, but I'll say that that bothers me a lot.

But how about a miracle does happen and you do manage to like me back. Will we get together? Will we not? Only time will tell. I will tell you this though, Brayden, I like you a lot. Enough to cause me pain. Think about that as you will. I certainly already did, and if you manage to find this I'll either become a dead slug or be elated that you finally know how I feel.

Sincerely,
The Person That Uses Locker 450